Jeanne Stein, CHOSEN

Jeanne Stein's writing and story-telling is powerful. As powerful as her protagonist Anna Strong's vampiric powers. As powerful as these reviews:

“Anna Strong lives up to her name: equally tenacious and vulnerable, she’s a heroine with the charm, savvy, and intelligence that fans of Laurell K. Hamilton and Kim Harrison will be happy to root for.”—Publishers Weekly

“There are more books about young female vampires...but it’s safe to say Anna Strong is contending for leader of the pack.”—The Denver Post

If vampire books aren't typically on your reading list, keep in mind that Anna Strong isn't your typical vampire. In the opening of THE BECOMING (book one) Anna is human. Anna struggles with her human/vampire values, dilemmas, friends, family, foes, and future throughout the series--creating dynamite conflicts and compelling reading.

Now, we'll dive into analyzing some examples from CHOSEN, the sixth book in the Anna Strong Chronicles.

Excerpt:

There is so much malice in his tone, the realization hits me like a physical blow. I wish it were physical. I wish he would hit me. Yell. Scream. Get it out of his system. No physical injury could be more painful than Culebra’s hostility.

Don’t be too sure, vampire. He leans toward me. His tone is dry, vibrates in the back of his throat like the warning sound of a rattler before it strikes.

The animal in me responds to the threat. I tense, take a wary step forward, two predators sniffing each other out.

Analysis:

Two Dialogue Cues, both are used as a stimulus:

1. malice in tone, hits like physical blow

2, tone is dry, vibrates like rattler, Anna is wary, tenses . . .

Power Words:

malice, physical, blow, physical, hit, yell, scream, physical, injury, painful, hostility, warning, rattler, strikes, threat, tense, wary, predators

Backloading:

blow, physical, yell, scream, hostility, vampire, strikes, threat

Cadence: Read it out loud. You'll hear the power. Feel the power.

More Examples of Dialogue Cues:

I put a hand on his arm, sincerity in my voice. “You can tell me more tonight. When we go to Avery’s.”

Analysis:

A dialogue cue from the POV character. It's placed in front of the dialogue to cue the reader regarding how to interpret the subtext of the dialogue.

Two Emotional Hits: touch and dialogue cue

Cadence: Read both versions below out loud.

The way I rewrote it:

I put a hand on his arm and sincerity in my voice. “You can tell me more tonight when we go to Avery’s.”

The way Jeanne Stein wrote it:

I put a hand on his arm, sincerity in my voice. “You can tell me more tonight. When we go to Avery’s.”

For me, Jeanne's way sounds more natural. More compelling.

WHY? What made it sound better?

What if she'd written it like this?

I touched his arm and tried to sound sincere. “You can tell me more about it tonight when we're at Avery’s house.”

Subconsciously, beats count.

Tighten your deep editing seat belt.

Did you count the beats?

I did. :-))

Now it's your turn. Count the beats in the first two phrases and the last two sentences.

I put a hand on his arm, sincerity in my voice. “You can tell me more tonight. When we go to Avery’s.”

I'm waiting.

I'm humming the Jeopardy music.

Yay! Now you know. They each carry seven beats.

WOW. Seven beats. Seven beats. Seven beats. Seven beats.

I bet Jeanne Stein is surprised. I bet she did not count beats. I bet her CADENCE EAR knew what sounded right.

Am I recommending that writers count beats and make them match?

NO!

Not necessarily.

Train your Cadence Ear. Trust your Cadence Ear.

Read your work out loud and pay attention to cadence. Tweak the cadence until your sentences, paragraphs, and passages carry psychological power.

 

Moving on - - - More Dialogue Cues:

While his speech isn’t slurred exactly, he speaks as if his tongue is too big and too heavy for his mouth.

Analysis:

Fresh and fun. The details, specificity, triggers a powerful association for the reader. Even out of context, the reader gets it. That character is in some type of altered state. Drugs? Alcohol? Under a spell?

No intimidation in his voice this time. Only confusion and fear.

Analysis:

Ah -- the power of dialogue cues. The reader knows the character lost confidence. They went from intimidating to fearful. Jeanne Stein used one of the techniques I teach: showing-what's-not-happening. Pointing out the character wasn't intimidating anymore, but was confused and afraid.

One more excerpt with Dialogue Cues.

Next I call David. His sleepy voice reminds me that it’s only a little after seven and why am I calling so early? In the background, an equally sleepy female voice asks who it is. Except I realize it’s not sleep I’m hearing in her voice. When David asks again in a husky, slightly winded tone why I’m calling, it dawns on me that it’s not sleep I interrupted.

That example shares dialogue cues, but no dialogue:

-- his sleepy voice, an equally sleepy female voice, it's not sleep I'm hearing in her voice, a husky, slightly winded tone

Readers know what David and the female have been doing. :-)

EYES and LOOKS: These gems don't require my analysis. Read, analyze, and enjoy.

Frey fixes me with the same kind of look that I used to get from Williams. I didn’t like it then, I don’t like it now. Still, I hold my tongue and wait for the answer.

Her eyes sweep the room, appraising, assessing, taking measure of how I live. Her expression remains detached. Even when she feels my eyes on her, she does not react except to meet my gaze with her own.

He closes his eyes a moment in what looks like an attempt to control his exasperation and pushes past her.

Check out the power in these facial expressions. It's two paragraphs.

I let Chael see the glimmer of satisfaction on my face. You have made a grave mistake. You may have had a thousand years to acquire wisdom, but your arrogance has clouded your judgment.

 

 

For the first time, he looks into my face, really looks into my face, and the realization that he may have made an error cracks his smug mask of confidence.

 

Yay Anna! It's near the end of the book. Anna Strong is strategic and strong. :-)

Analysis:

Anna is vampire. She allows Chael to see that she's pleased. Chael thought he'd set up a no-win challenge for her. She's communicating with Chael mind-to-mind.

In the second paragraph Jeanne repeated a phrase for emphasis:

For the first time, he looks into my face, really looks into my face, and the realization that he may have made an error cracks his smug mask of confidence.

Powerful!

Note the Power Words: grave, wisdom, arrogance, clouded, judgment, error, crack, smug, mask, confidence

ANAPHORA: If you've taken my editing courses on-line, or reviewed the Lecture Packets, you know this rhetorical device. Anaphora -- repeating the same word or phrase to kick off three phrases or sentences in a row. Sometimes more than three in a row.

This creature in his finely tailored suit is not anyone’s friend. This creature is not simply a vampire. This creature is evil.

 

Note: The first two share what the creature is not. The last one shares what the creature is. And, the anaphora is backloaded with evil.

If you've taken my DEEP EDITING course, you'll know this next example is what I call a SAP.

Self-preservation and fury swamp restraint.

SAP -- Short and Powerful. The writer cuts to the power.

I could keep going and going and going, sharing dozens of stellar examples. Here's the next to last one:

Brianna’s façade of bereaved lover slips a little as her anger surfaces. It allows me a moment to penetrate her mental barrier, see the truth that flares and is suppressed in the time it takes for our hearts to beat once, twice.

Analysis:

Quintessential Jeanne Stein. Smooth and gripping.

An oh-so-elegant and enlightening example of what I call flicker-face emotion

But the flicker-face emotion is set up as a stimulus/response.

Note the phrasing, the imagery, the cadence, the power words.

I'll wrap up with an AMPLIFIED CLICHE TWIST:

I think Frey is close to jumping off the sanity cliff, and Culebra is right there teetering on the brink with him.

Jeanne twisted and amplified a cliche, shared Frey's and Culebra's fragile emotional states, and presented it to the reader in a hit of humor.

Jeanne Stein's novels always deliver a full psychologically-powered read.

CHOSEN was released on August 31st. Enjoy!

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