Deep Editing Analysis: C.J. Lyons, LIFELINES, WARNING SIGNS, URGENT CARE

C.J. Lyons writes award-winning cutting edge medical suspense. LIFELINES, her debut novel, was nominated for the National Reader's Choice Award for Best Mainstream Novel of 2008 -- and won the Reader's Choice Award for Best First Novel of 2008 at the Love Is Murder Conference. Lyons, a former Pediatric ER doctor, now applies her medical expertise to add realism to her plots. Readers are drawn to her well-crafted medical thrillers like viewers are drawn to medical shows on TV.

URGENT CARE, the third book in the series, will be released October 27th. Harriet Klausner recommends URGENT CARE:

"C.J. Lyons has written an adrenalin pumping medical thriller that fans of Robin Cook will enjoy."

What makes a book adrenalin pumping? Plot. Characters. Writing craft.

Let's dig into how CJ Lyons uses writing craft to infuse her scenes with psychological power.

EXAMPLE: I'll start with one of my favorite lines from LIFELINES.

Note -- in the paragraph before, Lydia Fiore misses Los Angeles. "She blinked hard, tried not to imagine herself running along the beach, the Pacific stretching out to infinity beside her." We'll analyze the sentence below. It is the last sentence on page 1 of LIFELINES.

Her stomach did a tumble and roll, like being sucker punched by a wave off the coast at Malibu.

ANALYSIS: C.J. Lyons created a multi-layered scene-themed response. She starts with a fresh visceral response about Lydia's stomach doing a tumble and roll. She follows it with a simile that carries that tumbling-in-ocean-image forward: " . . . like being sucker punched by a wave off the coast at Malibu." Fabulous! Let's dig deeper.

Her stomach did a tumble and roll, like being sucker punched by a wave off the coast at Malibu.

Excellent! It's fresh. It's scene-themed. It's tied to the setting Lydia misses and hints about the character. Lyons could have written:

Her stomach did a tumble and roll, like being smacked by a wave off the coast at Malibu.

Lyons didn't use the word 'smacked.' She provided more insight into the character's situation and had more fun with the reader, by using sucker punched: " . . . like being sucker punched by a wave off the coast at Malibu." A perfect simile for this scene.

I CONFESS: I didn't play fair with you. I didn't give you the full sentence. Here you go. Please read it out loud.

Her stomach did a tumble and roll, like being sucker punched by a wave off the coast at Malibu, dragged under by your own stupidity.

BOOM! You've got to feel the power!

Lyons carried the tumble and roll, wave theme again by using dragged under. And what dragged her under? Her own stupidity.

Brilliant backloading. Brilliant insight into how Lydia Fiore is feeling. Lydia left LA. Moved to Pittsburgh. First day on a new job with new responsibilities.

But Lyons doesn't tell the reader Julia is anxious, nervous, fearful. Lyons uses a visceral response and amplifies it to empower the emotions.

Lyons also taps several universal fears. She snags the reader subconsciously by alluding to those universal fears. Readers know moving-to-new-town nerves. Readers know first-day-on-new-job-jitters. Readers know the emotional set Julia is experiencing. By the end of page 1, they feel Julia's angst and want to get to know Julia better.

Now we'll analyze a few examples from URGENT CARE.

EXAMPLE: A SMILE: She didn't like the smile that played across Lydia's face--it was the same smile she'd worn yesterady when she talked about blowing the heads off targets.

ANALYSIS: Lyons did not describe the smile. She amplifed the message the smile delivered to the POV character. Lyons used power words and phrases and backloaded it with the power word 'target. EXAMPLE: A DIALOGUE CUE: His voice sped through the line with the force of a freight train. If she hadn't met him in person and known that was his usual breakneck pace, she'd wonder if he was on drugs.

ANALYSIS: This amplified dialogue cue provides the reader with insight into this character's personality.

EXAMPLE: CAUTION -- THESE WORDS HAVE THE POWER TO ELICIT A VISCERAL RESPONSE. ;-)

The smell slapped at Nora. She jerked back, her pulse stampeding. The copper scent of blood fought with the sickly sweet smell of fresh spray paint.

Blood mixed with neon colors in a kaleidoscope of carnage. There was blood on the floor, blood on the walls, blood on the bed, blood still bubbling from Seth's slit throat.

ANALYSIS: Writers know the power of the sense of smell. Lyons uses it to kick-off the scene. Nora had just opened a door. The smell hits her. She reacts physically and viscerally. More smells. Then the reader is smacked with colors and blood and blood and blood and blood until Nora sees, and the reader sees, Seth's slit throat. Powerful.

Lyons used two rhetorical devices in that last sentence, anaphora and asyndeton. Anaphora is the repetition of the same word or phrases used to start three or more consecutive phrases or sentences. Asyndeton is omitting a conjunction (or conjunctions) in a series of three or more.

Rhetorical devices are amazing stylistic tools. In Deep Editing, I teach writers over thirty rhetorical tools to add to their writing tool boxes.

C.J. Lyons, a Margie-grad, knows how to hook the reader with psychological power. Lisa Gardner calls Lyons' writing -- "A pulse-pounding adrenaline rush." Romantic Review Today, LIFELINES: "Simply superb . . . a riveting drama . . . a perfect ten." Publisher's Weekly, LIFELINES: "A breathtakingly fast-paced medical thriller."

URGENT CARE will be released October 27th. Read. Enjoy. Learn.

Deep Editing Analysis Contest: Winner -- Kate MacEachern!

Congratulations Kate!

Thanks for sharing so many examples of fresh and powerful writing.

Kate wins a Lecture Packet from one of my six courses.

1. Empowering Characters' Emotions

2. Deep Editing: The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More

3. Digging Deep into the EDITS System -- Parts 1 and 2

4. Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist

5. Powering Up Body Language in Real Life: Projecting a Professional Persona When Pitching and Presenting

6. Defeat Self-defeating Behaviors

To enter the Deep Editing Analysis Contest, e-mail me with fresh examples from published authors.

Blog-o-rama!

Looking for a guest for your blog?

The blogs I create explore and expand the topics I cover when I teach. From writing craft to writing angst. From anaphora to zeugma. From pithy to pathos.

I like to have fun. Can you tell?

I also like to give away Lecture Packets. Contact me if you would like me to guest blog for you or your group.

Margie's Blog: My How-to Author Series Features Randy Ingermanson, October 28th!

Randy Ingermanson, esteemed author, esteemed 'Snow Flake' guy, esteemed guru of the outrageously popular Advanced Fiction Writing E-Zine, will soon be known for another esteemed area of expertise. Randy, no dummie he, wrote a how-to book for writers: WRITING FICTION FOR DUMMIES.

Visit my blog on Wednesday, October 28th, to learn and laugh with Randy. I will provide the in-depth interview. You provide the comments and questions. Randy will provide the answers.