BONE BY BONE is Carol O’Connell’s first stand alone. With a masterful story and equally masterful writing craft, BONE BY BONE stands out. Carol O’Connell is known for her powerful prose and gripping suspense.
“O’Connell is one of the most poetic yet tough-minded writers of the genre.” (The San Francisco Chronicle).
Let’s analyze what makes Carol O’Connell’s writing craft strong. This month we’ll focus on Body Language. We’ll look at Body Language, Facial Expressions, and Dialogue Cues. The examples are from BONE BY BONE, her 2008 release.
EXAMPLE: P. 19 This example is two paragraphs:
And now he felt Hannah’s small hand closing over his right fist, the one he favored for beating the crap out of Dave Hardy. Oren stood very still, powerless to go anywhere. He looked down to catch her brief smile, the equivalent of rolling up her sleeves in anticipation of doing some damage.
Hannah trained her eyes on the deputy and worked her old magic, hurling words across the length of the flower bed with the crack of lightning bolts. “Put that shovel down this instant.”
ANALYSIS: How many nonverbal messages were conveyed in those five sentences?
1. Hannah closed her hand over Oren’s fist – stopping him from punching Dave.
2. Oren stood still – did not move toward Dave.
3. Hannah smiled – Oren interpreted her smile -- Hannah planned to attack Dave
4. Hannah stared at the deputy (Dave)
5. Hannah yelled at Dave across the flower bed, hurling her words with the power of lightning bolts
Those body language cues included one touch (haptics) and its interpretation, one lack of movement and its impact, a smile and its interpretation, a look and its power, and a dialogue cue amplified with a simile.
If Carol O’Connell stuck to the BASICS, her passage could have read like this:
Hannah’s hand squeezed his. He knew she didn’t want him to punch Dave. Oren remained standing.
Hannah smiled briefly then glared at the deputy. She yelled across the garden, “Put that shovel down this instant.” Her voice had a hard edge.
COMPARE that bland distillation to Carol O’Connell’s powered-up passage:
And now he felt Hannah’s small hand closing over his right fist, the one he favored for beating the crap out of Dave Hardy. Oren stood very still, powerless to go anywhere. He looked down to catch her brief smile, the equivalent of rolling up her sleeves in anticipation of doing some damage.
Hannah trained her eyes on the deputy and worked her old magic, hurling words across the length of the flower bed with the crack of lightning bolts. “Put that shovel down this instant.”
Carol O’Connell put more energy into writing fresh, adding power internalizations, and amplifying body language.
Here are two more examples of facial expressions:
P. 28 Ad Winston had a smile that could charm a suicide bomber—but not the judge.
Analysis: Fun!
If you’ve taken my classes, you know I vote for amplifying and/or interpreting most facial expressions. In real life facial expressions are complex and intriguing and confusing and stimulating.
Go beyond, He smiled. Give the reader more reasons to love your books.
P. 29 Ad Winston wore a look of stunned surprise. And the judge would have enjoyed that so much if he could only believe that it was genuine.
Analysis: Carol O’Connell used more words, and let the punch surprise the reader. Backloading with GENUINE carries a punch.
She could have written: Ad Winston wore a look of stunned surprise. And the judge didn’t believe it for a minute.
Hmm . . . What’s wrong with that line?
It’s clichéd. The reader doesn’t experience the punch. It’s ho-hum, instead of Hey!
The last five examples are DIALOGUE CUES. This is my term for how the writer cues the reader regarding delivery of the dialogue. A dialogue cue may describe the quality of the voice, rate of speech, tone, and pitch, as well as interpret and amplify the meaning.
P. 7
“Oren, I need you to carry that bag of yours upstairs. It’s too heavy for me.”
In times past, the housekeeper had used this voice of authority only for special offenses, such as the grimy rings of a boy’s life left on the porcelain sides of the bathtub.
ANALYSIS: Carol O’Connell slipped backstory in this amplified dialogue cue presented on page seven. The reader is informed that the housekeeper raised the POV character, who is now in his late thirties. No info dump. No backstory stall. Smart technique.
P. 80
“Hello, Daddy.”
Long ago, she had called him that to please her mother. These days, the sarcastic tone of this salutation could only be read as Drop dead.
ANALYSIS: Carol O’Connell shared that sarcastic tone in a fresh way. She didn’t opt for the clichéd, predictable, and oh-so-skimmable: she said with a sarcastic edge to her voice.
P. 174
The lawyer was still talking nonstop and very fast. A sign of frayed nerves?
ANALYSIS: Another smart technique. The lawyer’s anxiety was portrayed with two dialogue cues -- talking nonstop and very fast. A short rhetorical question interpreted the POV character’s take on why the lawyer’s rate of speech was accelerated. The reader learns a lot, in few words.
P. 192
“This is my case.” He used a tone more properly reserved for a child’s sandbox brawl.
“The State Attorney General said so.” And this was a variation of I’m telling Mom.
ANALYSIS: Look what fun Carol O’Connell had with those two lines. She compared the attorney to a child in a sandbox, one who is fighting. Then she created a line of dialogue—“The State Attorney General said so.”—that resonates with every reader as childish, and reinforces the dialogue by adding it’s a variation of I’m telling Mom.
Those 31 words provide the reader with multiple messages that the lawyer is acting like a child, but the cliché was dodged. The reader is treated to a fresh read. An entertaining read. And a hit of humor.
P. 220
Her voice dropped into the guttural range of Pay-attention-or-else.
Analysis: A hyphenated-run-on (my term) makes that dialogue cue fresh. Readers know that low authoritative voice. The tone that commands Pay-attention-or-else.
CAROL O’CONNELL works at her winning writing craft and she has the big fan-base to prove she is successful. Follow her lead. Work your writing craft until it’s winning you contracts and more fans.
