Welcome

Elizabeth Essex,

author of

The Danger of Desire!

Elizabeth Essex

When not re-reading Jane Austen, sipping tea or mucking about her garden, Elizabeth Essex can be found at her computer, making up wonderful stories about people who live far more interesting lives than she.

It wasn’t always so. Elizabeth graduated from Hollins College with a BA in Classical Studies and Art History, and then earned her MA from Texas A&M University in Nautical Archaeology, also known as the archaeology of shipwrecks. While Elizabeth loved the life of a working archaeologist, after writing and reading all those dry, dusty reports on ship construction, she would daydream about how lovely it would have been if only someone had fallen in love on just one of those ships. And so now she writes stories about just that.

Elizabeth lives in Texas with her family, in a house filled to the brim with books.

Deep Edit Q & A: Elizabeth Essex

1. What’s your writing process?

My writing process is pretty varied, but I always start a new story with the characters in my mind, first and foremost. I usually envision a scene between the two main characters and hear their voices in my head. I almost always write some snippet of dialog first, one line after another with no tags, dialog cues or attributes, only an exploration of the voices—what you call a ‘dialog river.’

Then, scenes start to tumble down through my subconscious, and I start to string them together into a rough outline of where I think I want the book to go. And I’m off.

As far as my writing day is concerned, I try and write EVERY day. For me being creative is a lot like staying in physically good shape. You can’t run a mile if you don’t train, and I can’t write well if I don’t keep those writing ‘muscles’ toned by daily practice. I take paper notebooks as well as my laptop with me almost everywhere I go, because I’ve learned that I will lose a thought, or a particular point of improvement to a plot if I don’t write it down the moment I think of it. I’ve used my Iphone to jot down quick notes while I’ve been having my teeth cleaned, and if I’m in the car, driving my kids somewhere, I will often use voice notes to get those elusive moments of insight saved, so I can put them to good use when I’m back in front of my computer.

Do you strive to complete a first draft in a certain time frame?

I strive to get it done before my deadline. :)

At the moment, I have six months to write each book in the three-book series I have contracted with St. Martin’s Press. Most of the time I edit as I go—although, usually I have to edit the first chapter extensively before I get enough of a grip on my characters to see where I need to go—so that I have a very clean draft when I get to the end.

But I have also completed manuscripts where I pushed through a first draft without much editing at all. I prefer to edit as I go, but because of the time constraints of deadlines and the intervention of ‘real life,’ when children need to be taken to track meets and baseball games, not to mention to school itself, that often means that the first half of the book is much more polished than the second half, and I have to be especially ruthless in my deep editing during revisions. :)

I need at least a month.

I give myself a day to deep edit a chapter at a time. Deep editing is also a very paper intensive exercise for me, as I will go through multiple printings in a day.

I start with a fresh, clean copy and start using my EDITS colors. What will usually happen is that when I start on the dialog, I will find that I don’t have enough relevant dialog cues, and when I still have only blue highlighting on my pages, I will make extensive changes to add those cues, reactions and responses. Before I go on to the other EDITS colors I will input those edits onto my computer draft, and then print a clean copy and start again.

Next, I will usually find large chunks of internalization that I need to break up, turn into dialog or, if I need the words to remain internalizations, I try and power them up with stronger word choices, rhetorical devices for emphasis, and shifting sentence and paragraph structure to backload the power words at the end.

I do this over and over, until the pages are braided with color and I have no more changes. That process normally takes a full day for one chapter, and with an average of twenty-six 15 page chapters per book, I like to give myself a full month in case I find the need for extensive re-writing.

2. The opening of The Danger of Desire hooked me, and every subsequent page pulled that hook tighter. I read The Danger of Desire straight through and wanted more, more, more!

This historical is set in London, November 1799. Here’s a three-paragraph excerpt from page 3.

Meggs flexed her hands on the handle of her basket and wiped her fingers dry on the inside of her apron, swallowing the jitters that crawled up her throat. It would work. It always worked. Drunks were easy. Easy as taking gin from a dead whore. She gauged the distance and picked up speed, keeping even pace with the rising hammer of her heart, aiming to reach them just as they left the watery circle of lamplight. She’d be in the dark, and they’d never see her until it was too late.

Three yards to go. Two. Eyes and ears stretched open, blind to everything but the waistcoat pocket and deaf from the roaring of her blood, she put her head down and plowed right into them.

And it was dead easy. A turn of her body, a firm shove with the prickly reed basket, and the culls were separated and falling. And there she was, patient as the saints, waiting for the precise moment when his purse eased into her waiting hand, like a ripe plum plucked from a tree.

What did Elizabeth Essex do right? Everything. :-))

Compelling Cadence: Every sentence propels the reader into the next sentence.

Rhetorical Devices: Three similes; anadiplosis ( . . . easy. Easy . . . )

Visceral Responses: Five: sweaty fingers, jitters in throat, heart hammering, vision narrowed, hearing roaring of her blood

Braided Scene Components: Action, internalizations, body language, setting, visceral responses . . .

Here’s how that passage looks with the EDITS System highlighting:

Meggs flexed her hands on the handle of her basket and wiped her fingers dry on the inside of her apron, swallowing the jitters that crawled up her throat. It would work. It always worked. Drunks were easy. Easy as taking gin from a dead whore. She gauged the distance and picked up speed, keeping even pace with the rising hammer of her heart, aiming to reach them just as they left the watery circle of lamplight. She’d be in the dark, and they’d never see her until it was too late.

Three yards to go. Two. Eyes and ears stretched open, blind to everything but the waistcoat pocket and deaf from the roaring of her blood, she put her head down and plowed right into them.

And it was dead easy. A turn of her body, a firm shove with the prickly reed basket, and the culls were separated and falling. And there she was, patient as the saints, waiting for the precise moment when his purse eased into her waiting hand, like a ripe plum plucked from a tree.

Woohoo!

You can see how Elizabeth wove the scene components together.

Well done!

Margie Asked Elizabeth: Did you have all those elements in your first draft? Do you usually have to go back and layer in visceral? Or do you have it in your first pass?

I would say, I had some of it in my first pass, but certainly not all.  I wrote that scene after I had already written a large portion of the book, and came back to add it in near the beginning because I needed to SHOW her acuity as a pickpocket instead of TELLING about it.  I probably wrote the physical action first—the choreography of the scene—and then filled in more internal thoughts and more emotions with each pass.

In this case, I would have to say the rhetorical devices were very much instinctive and part of this character’s voice, and I didn’t realize I had used specific devices such as anadiplosis until I went back to deep edit the scene.

And I read every last word in the story OUT LOUD for cadence, which is how all the alliterative “p” sounds in the last two sentences—prickly, patient, precise, purse, riPe, plum, plucked—the sounds that PUSH the cadence forward, came into my ear and subsequently made it onto the page.

I will admit the visceral emotions of this particular character, Meggs the pickpocket, were easier for me to write because I felt that this character lived very much within the confines of her own head and her inner dialog was unwaveringly truthful, almost unsparing in its emotional self-awareness, with a rough, gallows type of humor softening her edges.

3. This book is loaded with hundreds of stellar lines I could use as examples. Here’s the first time Meggs sees the captain’s eyes. He’s just seen her getaway after pickpocketing

So pale a blue, they were shocking in a face so tan. Chips of ice held greater warmth, and yet there was a fire, a force that sparked so strongly, so powerfully within the frozen wasteland of his gaze, she had to turn away for fear of being singed.

She knew that look. A zealot. Moon eyed. Dicked in the nob. Whatever it was, every instinct she possessed screamed danger. And clever girl that she was, she minded quick-like, keeping her head down and scurrying across the street to stay well clear of his path, away from all that steely awareness. She had no desire to receive another blast from the furnace that was his eyes, thank you very much.

A Super Empowered response that carries power, power, power. Kudos to Elizabeth!

Check out all the power words: shocking, ice, fire, force, sparked, strongly, powerfully, frozen, wasteland, fear, singed, zealot, dicked in the nob, screamed, danger

I liked “dicked in the nob”, even when I didn’t know exactly what it meant. I “got” it.

I looked it up just now, for fun. The 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue by Francis Grose, defined “dicked in the nob” as silly. Crazed.

Handy phrase. Love the title of that dictionary too.

Margie Asked Elizabeth: Do you ever write over the top, then rein it in?

That description of his eyes, and her interpretation is so strong, I’d love to see a first pass and second pass and third pass . . .

If you still have an early version, could you share it with us?

Those phrases—the “so pale a blue they were shocking” and “chips of ice held greater warmth”—were right out of my head on the first pass because my hero, Captain Hugh McAlden, was so well known to me—he appeared as a secondary character in both THE PURSUIT OF PLEASURE and A SENSE OF SIN—I had a very strong visual and emotional understanding of him, and I knew right off the mark that my heroine would see the special intensity in him.

That said, I do tend to over-write and have to curb myself back in.  I throw out a lot of words before the end of a manuscript.  Or If I over-write the intensity, I’ll move descriptions to salt them through a scene in different dialog clues to lessen the over-writing but reinforce the reaction.  Originally, I think I said “a force that sparked like a blast furnace from the frozen wasteland.”  It seemed a bit much, so I moved the ‘blast from the furnace that was his eyes,” later in the paragraph.

Unfortunately, I don’t have keep versions of the work.  I tend to simply edit as I go and not save most versions as separate documents and I recycle the paper daily to keep the pile from overwhelming my desk. :(  And it keeps me from sliding back into bad habits.

However, I’m very glad you found the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue!  It was right by my side as I wrote this story and I was just delighted with the freshness and creativity of the slang of the Georgian period.  It inspired me to come up with some fresh of my own slang to fit the characters.  Think you can spot them?

You're too good! I wouldn't be able to tell which ones were from the Georgian period and which ones you made up. Good for you!

4. Ah – Elizabeth Essex writes strong and fresh and empowered dialogue cues.

Margie grads know dialogue cues are not just dialogue tags. I created the term dialogue cues, and Elizabeth writes fresh DC’s that are often amplified. Often a stimulus for an empowered response.

Two Dialogue Cues:

“I remember.” Her voice sounded hot and stupid, like there was a fist inside her throat making her windpipe feel raw from not crying. From feeling so useless. She wasn’t useless. She was a bloody prime filching mort, not a damned mop squeezer. She was old Nan’s girl—finest there was. If he wanted proof she could filch, she’d give him bloody proof.

That empowered dialogue cue was the stimulus for a power internalization that ends Chapter 11.. Read it out loud and you’ll hear the strong cadence.

“What boy?” She squeaked. Lord help her, she did. She squeaked like a rusty eel cart. Old Nan would be ashamed of her, giving herself away like that. But old Nan wasn’t Timmy’s sister.

The squeak in her voice was a “tell,” which upset her. Elizabeth used a setting-themed simile: rusty eel cart. And – the dialogue cue deepens characterization by showing how much Meggs cares for her brother.

“Yes. He returned my watch to me. May I know why?” His accent was pure toff, all polished address, but his voice was low and rough. He sounded like solid oak beams and creaking spars. He sounded, even though he spoke to her quietly, like he could be heard above a cannon’s roar.

Wow. How many times did Elizabeth amplify that dialogue cue?

1. Accent: toff

2. Tone: Polished

3. Volume: low

4. Quality: rough

5. Simile: like oak beams

6. Simile: like creaking spars

7. Volume: quiet

8. Simile: like cannon’s roar

Elizabeth could have used just one dialogue cue, or any combination of two or more up to eight. She used EIGHT DIALOGUE CUES here – because she’s smart, and for other deep editing reasons too. :-))

I believe Elizabeth empowered that dialogue cue because Meggs is attracted to the captain – and Elizabeth is SHOWING that attraction, not TELLING.

Margie Asked Elizabeth: Are there other reasons too? Want to fill us in on how that dialogue cue evoloved?

I definitely wrote that dialog cue after I had written the dialog itself.  I really do hear the voices in my head, so I just have to stop, and take a moment to listen to my inner movie and describe what I hear as my character would.  I think I started with his voice being simply low and rough, and then added from there.

I keep a note with “DIALOG CUE => REACTION => THOUGHT” pasted to the top of my computer, and would have looked at it and wanted to add my heroine’s visceral reaction to his low rough voice.

I had a more ‘personal’ physical response at one point—a response that was meant to show her attraction to him—but it didn’t feel right.  I kept it in the manuscript for a long time with NQR for Not Quite Right beside it, to tell myself the passage needed work.

NQR -- Not Quite Right: Smart!

I kept reading it out loud to find the rhythm and cadence that felt right.  I pared down the REACTION to a more intellectual internalization—an awareness of him as opposed to an attraction—and then added the two THOUGHTS.  This is a point in the story when she is just coming to understand who he is, and I wanted to show that she very quickly assimilates the fact that he is a Navy captain, a commanding, powerful man, by using the nautical allusions.  This device also sets up the power play between the two characters, and shows that at this point, the power all lies with him.

Elizabeth -- You keep digging deep until it's right. Every line in your book is a testament to your commitment to excellence. Kudos to you,

5. What are some deep editing tools you learned from me, and how did they make a difference in your writing?

EVERYTHING you’ve taught me has made a difference to my writing! The EDITS system consistently, and very graphically pushes me to improve my writing by showing me what I’m missing, and where I have missed opportunities to make the work tighter and stronger.

As I said above, because I tend to write dialog first, and fast and furiously, I can miss many opportunities to add dialog clues. But now that I understand their power to show character’s physical and mental reactions, I look for opportunities to add them. I keep a note with “DIALOG CUE => REACTION => THOUGHT” pasted to the top of my computer!

I try and use rhetorical devises to add power and tighten internalizations, to keep the reader engaged. I’m pretty good about using alliteration, anaphora, onomatopoeia, and simile and metaphor as I go, but your courses have also taught me to change those devices up and add more variety.

But I would have to say that ‘scene-themed’ word choice is the concept you introduced me to that resonated with me so strongly. So strongly that I try to push myself to take it a little further and come up with what I call ‘character-themed’ word choices.

Ah -- Great minds, same track.  ;-)

In the last few years I made it three categories: 1. scene-themed, 2. character-themed, 3. Emotion-themed.

Back to Elizabeth:

Here’s what I mean by that:

“He almost reached out to grab her, to haul her across his desk like a witless midshipman and shake the truth out of her. But she wasn’t a witless midshipman. She was as sharp and lethal as a handspike, and he knew if he had her under his hands, hauled up close, he’d do other things than shake her.” The Danger of Desire

In this snippet there were many opportunities to find words that only this character, Royal Navy Captain Hugh McAlden, would use. I tried to make the words I chose fit his unique life experiences. I could have said he wanted to haul her to him like ... a stray dog, or a dimwitted store clerk, or anything that would show him to be a take-action kind of man in a position of power, but I chose “witless midshipman” because it was so specific and unique to his world. And the same goes for “as sharp and lethal as a handspike.” I could have said almost anything that one might construe as sharp and lethal—a hidden knife, a blade of glass, a loaded gun—but I chose an object out of his ordinary, everyday life to try to make his perception of the heroine unique, and specific to not only his world, but his experience of that world.

I also want to say that it took me a long, long time to internalize all these different writing tools you taught me, and to use them together effectively. I had my first exposure to your writing techniques in a workshop you gave at DARA several years ago, and then I followed that up with an online course and attendance your annual sessions at RWA National and DARA’s Dreaming in Dallas Conferences.

After each course, my awareness and abilities to utilize the techniques improved. And then, even after completing three manuscripts for publication, I felt the need to take your Immersion Master class to help me whip a particularly difficult manuscript into shape.

There are so many pressures on authors in the current fiction marketplace, to write quickly, to maintain a public presence on social media, and to relentlessly self-promote that the writing itself—at least my writing—can suffer from lack of attention. I felt that the best thing I could do to promote my writing career was to concentrate on improving the quality of the writing itself and that then, the books would speak for themselves.

I am quite sure that I will continue to attend every lecture and seminar you give that I can possibly manage, and that I will undoubtedly take another Immersion session up on the mountain to keep my writing muscles strong and to continue to improve.

Thank you! It's been my joy to get to know you and work with you. I'm so impressed with your writing. I want to see you hit all the bestseller lists!

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