Welcome

Lara Chapman,

author of FLAWLESS,

a Cyrano love story with a modern-day twist!

Lara Chapman took my online courses and attended a full day master class on Empowering Characters' Emotions in Houston before she was contracted. She attended an Immersion Master Class at my home in Colorado in August.

I enjoyed working with Lara for five days (and nights!) in the Immersion class as much as I enjoyed reading FLAWLESS. High praise! :-)

LARA CHAPMAN grew up loving school, especially new school supplies (who doesn’t love the smell of new crayons?). She loved school so much, in fact, she tried to make a career out of it. But after an extended stay in college prompted her father to announce she couldn’t be a professional student, she finally declared a major and graduated with her teaching certificate, reluctantly leaping into the scary waters of adulthood.

Since then, she’s been teaching various subjects at the intermediate school level and loving every second. Lara lives with her family in Dime Box, Texas (it’s as small as it sounds), where she reads and writes daily. She’s rarely – if ever – found without her laptop and iPhone. For more, visit Lara online at www.larachapman.com.

Deep Editing Q & A

1. What’s your writing process?

Pantser? Plotter?

These days, I’m a plotter. A crazy, out-of-control, can’t-write-until-I-know-every-scene plotter! I haven’t always been that way, but after writing myself into a corner because I didn’t really know where I was going (and then having to rewrite 50 pages), I discovered that there is a lot of freedom in plotting.

My plotting process varies…. In the past, I’ve used a trifold poster board (like the kids use for science projects), divided it up into 24 chapters and used different colored post-its to track what was happening with each story line/character. I’ve also made a table in Word where I do the same thing, but just type it out. That’s a lot more efficient and I can carry it on my laptop, which is a huge advantage. Fellow immersion sister, Kimberle Swaak, turned me on to Scrivener, which is apparently the best storyboarding product available. I’ve done a lot of character work in it, but I’m still learning how to best use the plotting feature.

Dirty first draft? Edit as you go?

Edit as I go. Typically, I write a pretty decent first draft. I go back and reread what I wrote the previous day, letting the time away from the story freshen my senses and help me determine where I can amplify the scene.

Do you strive to complete a first draft in a certain time frame?

Not unless I’m on a deadline. I’m one of those people who works best on a deadline. Otherwise, I’m a sucker for a load of laundry that MUST BE FOLDED before another word leaves my fingertips.

How long do you allow for deep editing a complete manuscript?

6 weeks

2.  This passage where Sarah sees Rock for the first time, puts readers in that saw-him first-time, blocks-your-lungs, squeezes-your-heart, emotional zone. It’s NYT writing. The kind of writing that boost you onto the New York Times Bestseller list!

My questions are below the passage.

The once-buzzing classroom freezes. Standing in the doorway is the hottest guy I’ve ever laid eyes on. Golden brown hair cut just short enough to be stylish and a body I’ve only seen on television. Honest to God, the room has fallen dead silent while he looks at his schedule and compares it to the number on the door.

You can almost hear every girl’s thoughts.

Please be in this class.

Please take me to the prom.

Please marry me.

And every guy’s thoughts.

I hope he plays football.

I hope he plays baseball.

I hope he’s got a girlfriend and leaves mine alone.

When he looks up and finds everyone staring, he glances behind himself to see what they’re looking at. Realizing he’s the center of attention, he smiles, upping the charm of his rugged good looks when his slightly imperfect teeth are revealed. I give an audible sigh of appreciation.

Kristen reaches out, grabs my hand, squeezes it and whispers, “I’m in love.”

I know how she feels. It’s the same thing every single girl in the class is feeling, including me.

Then all at once, the spell is broken and the class is back in action. A group of girls from the drill team wave to get his attention, but none of them stand a chance against Kristen.

Sliding from her seat, she stands, flicks her straightened long blond hair over her shoulder, and walks her tan, long legs to the door. Without a word, they proceed, arm in arm like they’ve just been nominated homecoming king and queen, back to the vacant seat in front of her.

WOW!  Kudos to Lara Chapman!

I’m right there sitting in class next to Sarah. Every word, thought, action works for me.

I’ll share a few deep editing points, and leave some for Margie grads to share.  ;-)

The Biggest Deep Editing Point: Lara expanded time.

She expanded time here, because she wanted to spotlight this moment when Sarah and Kristin see Rock. Lara made it trance-like. Surreal. She made the scene trance-like. Surreal. And credible.

She developed a “Yes Set” in the reader. We nodded. We felt the emotions Sarah felt.

I loved the girl thoughts and guy thoughts. Well done!  And this simile is so perfect:

. . . they proceed, arm in arm like they’ve just been nominated homecoming king and queen

Margie Grads know I’m a fan of visceral responses. And I love this scene, even though it does not have any PINK. No visceral responses.

Margie Grads:  Please share how this scene carries emotional power, without PINK.  What did Laura do to make it work?

This scene was probably one of the easiest for me to write.  I can’t explain why, except that, when I was writing it, I could see it in my head.  I saw what Sarah saw, felt what she felt.  Haven’t we all had a friend that was a total scene-stealer?  The one that got what she wanted because she went for it?  I found it incredibly easy to put myself in Sarah’s shoes and make the scene real.

How is the final version different from previous iterations?

Honestly, this is pretty much how it came out the first time.  The first version didn’t have the girls’ and guys’ internal thoughts.  I added the girls’ thoughts first, then a critique partner suggested adding the guys’ thoughts and this is what I ended up with.  I really like the scene… for me, it’s quintessential high school.

This scene probably took 4-5 passes before I got to this.

It reads so well. Kudos to you!

3.  This excerpt is a minute later, when Sarah is introduced to Rock. Enjoy!

As if shaking himself awake from a bad dream, his eyes meet mine and he smiles. You know how you can just tell you’re going to hit it off with someone when you first meet? That’s how I feel the second we make eye contact. There’s a tenderness, an understanding in his eyes that makes me feel like I already know him. He’s actually looking me in the eyes and I get the feeling he’s trying to send me some sort of telepathic “You’re uniquely beautiful” message. Of course, I’m no psychic. That’s just my interpretation.

His hand totally covers my own, sending a jolt of awareness through my body and landing squarely in my stomach like a basketball. Our school has like a thousand students and you can assume that half of those students are boys. But not once have I ever been so taken with a guy. Ever. It nearly kills me to break the contact with him when he pulls his hand away. I do my best to look unaffected as the jackhammer works overtime in my chest.

“Where are you from, Rock?” Kristen leans forward, effortlessly executing a move she calls the “lean and look”. You lean in, he looks at your chest. I’m silently satisfied when he doesn’t do his part, but keeps his eyes on her face.

“Atlanta.”

I’m frozen in place, watching Kristen keep his attention while I sit speechless which, in and of itself, is something of a rarity. For once, I wish I’d listened to Kristen when she was telling me about the romance magazine article on how to get a guy’s attention.

Speak, damn it, speak!

“A southern boy,” Kristen drawls, leaning even closer so that she – and her boobs – are mere inches from his face.

Lara’s writing rates another WOW!

Here’s how that excerpt looks with the EDITS System:

As if shaking himself awake from a bad dream, his eyes meet mine and he smiles. You know how you can just tell you’re going to hit it off with someone when you first meet? That’s how I feel the second we make eye contact. There’s a tenderness, an understanding in his eyes that makes me feel like I already know him. He’s actually looking me in the eyes and I get the feeling he’s trying to send me some sort of telepathic “You’re uniquely beautiful” message. Of course, I’m no psychic. That’s just my interpretation.

His hand totally covers my own, sending a jolt of awareness through my body and landing squarely in my stomach like a basketball. Our school has like a thousand students and you can assume that half of those students are boys. But not once have I ever been so taken with a guy. Ever. It nearly kills me to break the contact with him when he pulls his hand away. I do my best to look unaffected as the jackhammer works overtime in my chest.

“Where are you from, Rock?” Kristen leans forward, effortlessly executing a move she calls the “lean and look”. You lean in, he looks at your chest. I’m silently satisfied when he doesn’t do his part, but keeps his eyes on her face.

“Atlanta.”

I’m frozen in place, watching Kristen keep his attention while I sit speechless which, in and of itself, is something of a rarity. For once, I wish I’d listened to Kristen when she was telling me about the romance magazine article on how to get a guy’s attention.

Speak, damn it, speak!

“A southern boy,” Kristen drawls, leaning even closer so that she – and her boobs – are mere inches from his face.

Deep Editing Analysis:

With the EDITS System, you can see the blend of internalizations, body language and action, visceral responses, and dialogue.  Excellent!

The YELLOW is Working Yellow. In the first paragraph, Sarah’s reaction is amplified. Lara took it to the EMPOWERED level, the third level in my four levels.  It works well.

His touch is the stimulus for her first visceral response. Look at the PINK again. Here it is:

. . . sending a jolt of awareness through my body and landing squarely in my stomach . . .

A jolt of awareness that travels through her body and lands in her stomach.

Lara gave us two viscerals in one.  ;-)

NYT writing!

She used another simile, comparing the visceral hit to her stomach like being hit with a basketball. She used a school sports related simile. Smart!

The internalizations that follow tell the reader she’s never had this reaction  before. Perfect!

Lara showed the reader that Sarah was still reacting viscerally, with the PINK at the end of that paragraph.  She locked in the visceral.

The third paragraph SHOWS Kristen using her body language to flirt with Rock. Lara doesn’t TELL. She doesn’t use the word ‘flirt.” The way Lara wrote it, is so much more engaging than writing something TELLING (and trite) like:

Kristen leaned toward Rock, flirting outrageously.

Lara deepened Rock’s character by showing that he didn’t glance at Kristen’s boobs, and she shared Sarah’s appreciation.

The frozen-in-place paragraph provides another little hit of visceral. Sarah can’t move, can’t speak. The internalizations share the depth of her BFF relationship with Kristen.

The stand alone line, Speak, damn it, speak! , SHOWS Sarah’s frustration. She’s embarrassed that she’s just sitting there not talking.

The last paragraph shows Kristen escalating her I’m-claiming-Rock campaign.

The every word in that passage contributes to the power.

Margie Asks Lara:  What can you share regarding how you wrote this scene?

When I was writing this scene, I had to think what would make Sarah feel connected to Rock, in spite of Kristen’s obvious interest in him.  There had to be some *zing* between them, so the touch of his hand and the intensity of his eye contact gave us that zing.

Did you include visceral responses in the first or second draft? Or did you add them later?

The visceral responses were definitely in the first draft.  I’m a super emotional person (sue me… I’m a woman!), so when I’m writing about something like this, I’m having the same visceral response the character is.  When I write scene that should have some emotional impact and I’m not having the visceral response myself, I go back and start over.   It’s all about the PINK!

Did you EDITS System highlight this scene? If so, what did you learn?

I didn’t!  And when I look at how you highlighted it, I realize how much internalization there is.  I would have expected a lot more pink, just because I know how strongly Sarah was reacting to Rock.  I don’t care what your high school experience was, we have all had that moment where you can’t say or do anything right.  And for a girl like Sarah, who always knows what to say, this was a killer!  I use the EDITS system for everything now!

No worries! You knew the scene was strong. You didn't have to grab your pink highlighter to know it had visceral responses. You wrote the visceral fresh. Not trite. And your YELLOW is all Working Yellow, not Yammering Yellow. It's all good!

For me, it’s the rhetorical devices. I LOVE THEM!

A very close 2nd/3rd would be the PINK and the EDITS system. But honestly, the rhetorical devices are what take my writing from “good” to “WOW.”

On rare occasions, the rhetorical device happens magically without me thinking about it. But more frequently, I use the cheat sheets from the Immersion Master Class on the mountain to inspire me.

Ah -- You're addicted to the power of rhetorical devices. Me too. So are all speech writers. They know rhetorical devices empower their message.

Here's an example of anaphora from FLAWLESS.

On page eight, our POV character, Sarah, gets introduced to the new guy at school. An incredibly hot new guy.

“Rockford Conway. Everyone calls me Rock.”

I instantaneously think how much I’d love to be stuck between Rock and a hard place when he turns to acknowledge me. His gaze stops at the most obvious spot on my face.

Not my killer blue eyes.

Not my plump pouty lips.

Not even my precious little chin.

His eyes lock dead center on my face.

On my nose.

Ah - The power of the rhetorical device, anaphora.

Margie Grads who have taken my DEEP EDITING course (or Lecture Packet) know that Harlan Coben and Lisa Gardner almost always use anaphora in their first chapters and at some turning points.

LARA -- I love that you love the 30 rhetorical devices you learned in Deep Editing!  They empower your writing and make the cadence of FLAWLESS, flawless. 

Sorry. Couldn't resist!

BLOG GUESTS -- It's your turn. Post questions, and comments, or just say "Hi!" One of you will win a copy of FLAWLESS!

Lara teaches fifth grade. She will respond to comments after 4PM Central Time. Please check back later for her responses.  THANK YOU!