Welcome Sandra Orchard,

author of

DEEP COVER!

Romantic Suspense author, Sandra Orchard lives in rural Ontario, Canada. Six years ago, her husband made an offhand co mment  about having so many books in the house, she might as well write one. I bet he is smiling now!

Sandra joined RWA and ACFW, took online courses (including mine!), entered contests, and won  the 2009 Daphne DuMaurier Award of Excellence in Mystery/Suspense. She also had the highest points of all finalists, earning her the overall Daphne Award.

Deep Cover, her debut novel, is the first book in her series about Undercover Cops: Fighting for justice puts their lives—and hearts—on the line.

Sandra attended one of my intense three full days of deep editing in an Immersion Master Class at my home in Colorado in 2009. Deep Cover was released this month, and she's contracted for two more in the series. Yay, Sandra!

Deep Editing Q & A

1. What’s your writing process?

Pantser? Plotter?

I’m a plotter. I don’t start writing until I have a good grasp of the story question, the character arcs, the romantic conflict and at least a few key scenes related to the suspense plot. New ideas often evolve as I write and I’ll run with them for a bit to see if they’ll work. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. I like to have at least one surprising twist in the plot, and I often don’t figure out what that will be until I’m well into writing.

Dirty first draft? Edit as you go?

I would love to be able to write a fast first draft, but I tend to edit as I go. I’m trying to discipline myself to finish a few chapters before going back over them to maintain some writing momentum. I edit the first three chapters extensively and then send them off with the synopsis to my editor. While waiting for a response, I carry on writing the suspense plot because I find that the easiest. Later I go back and layer in the romance, add scenes to fix pacing issues etc.

Do you strive to complete a first draft in a certain time frame?

I strive, but never succeed!! Since I edit along the way, I can write a decent full to send my editor in about four months.

How long do you allow for deep editing a complete manuscript?

As long as my editor will give me!!! I love the editing process so deadlines are good for me. If I can leave the story completely for a couple of months and then come back to it as a fresh reader that’s when I see the real editing opportunities. I like to have a couple of months to do the deep editing if I can get it.

2. What are some deep editing tools you learned from me that you feel made a difference in your writing?

I had a huge problem with overusing a few pet dialogue tags such as he smiled, or raked his fingers through his hair. Your examples, helped me learn how to eliminate the unnecessary, and how to change up and deepen the others, especially at key points in a scene. I can’t remember the names of the techniques, but I consciously strive to use a lot of them such as backloading sentences with power words, and starting consecutive sentences with the same word or phrase. I also find myself changing line editors’ suggestions and adding the comment, “for better cadence”. I also read differently. Like your books, mine are now filled with little post-it notes marking passages that impressed me.

3. It’s tough to select just a few examples. Immersion grads have strong examples on every page.

This passage is not a turning point. It’s not empowered with rhetorical devices. It’s not loaded with visceral responses. But it represents a typical dialogue exchange in a well written book.

The writing doesn’t look like anything special, which is what makes it special. The writing and structure grabbed me. I’ll share why, below.

"Call me paranoid," he said, hunkering to eye level, "but the last time you tore out of a restaurant parking lot, your brakes failed. I'd feel a whole lot better if you'd let me check over your car."

Fear flashed through her eyes, quickly replaced by a do-I-look-like-I-was-born-yesterday scowl.

"You just finished telling me we shouldn't be seen together."

"Please," he said, letting his voice dip to the deep protective tone she always seemed to tug out of him.

Applying my EDITS System, it looks like this:

"Call me paranoid," he said, hunkering to eye level, "but the last time you tore out of a restaurant parking lot, your brakes failed. I'd feel a whole lot better if you'd let me check over your car."

Fear flashed through her eyes, quickly replaced by a do-I-look-like-I-was-born-yesterday scowl.

"You just finished telling me we shouldn't be seen together."

"Please," he said, letting his voice dip to the deep protective tone she always seemed to tug out of him.

"Call me paranoid," he said, hunkering to eye level, "but the last time you tore out of a restaurant parking lot, your brakes failed. I'd feel a whole lot better if you'd let me check over your car."

2. Great flicker-face expression, from fear to the sassy hyphenated-run-on, do-I-look-like-I-was-born-yesterday scowl. Love the writing and love the twist!

3. Dialogue is character-perfect.

4. Sandra did a great job with her dialogue cue. She amplified it five times.

Blog Guests: I’ll break it down so you can see how Sandra empowered the subtext of the dialogue by amplifying the dialogue cue. She could have written any of these versions.

"Please," he said, his voice sounded protective.

"Please," he said, his voice low and protective.

"Please," he said, letting his voice dip to a deep protective tone.

"Please," he said, letting his voice dip to a deep protective tone she’d heard before.

FINAL VERSION: "Please," he said, letting his voice dip to the deep protective tone she always seemed to tug out of him.

Now you see why I call it an amplified dialogue cue.

I differentiated dialogue cues from dialogue tags, and named them dialogue cues. They qualify the subtext of the dialogue.

5. The cadence in the passage is strong. It drives the reader from the first word to the last. Powerful!

Margie Asked Sandra: What was your process for writing that dialogue exchange? Did you include all the components in the first draft? Did you layer some in later? Any idea how many passes until it was empowered and smooth?

I believe that section was written in two passes. I recall spending quite a bit of time searching for the right description for his voice at the end. But I suspect the rest is pretty much original.

Some days all sorts of fresh character-unique ideas spurt from my brain, but most days, it’s downright painful trying to pry out fresh ideas.

Blog Guests: Enjoy a few more dialogue cues from DEEP COVER. I encourage you to read them out loud. Train your Cadence Ear.

"I'm calling on behalf of Mr. Laud," Uncle Emile's newest secretary said in the overly formal tone of someone trying too hard to sound professional.

"I'm glad I ran into you," Rick said in a voice as warm and inviting as hot apple cider on a cold winter's day.

Drake's voice took on the steel edge that meant obey or else.

One word of dialogue followed by incongruent tone and facial expression, amplified.

"Satisfied?" she snapped when he wiggled back out, but her tone sounded far more irritated than she looked. Her expression had changed from annoyed to curious to almost appreciative.

Back to back dialogue cues. The first one uses a dialogue cue as a stimulus for a visceral response. Note the vague visceral works well here.

She nodded, but the sudden concern in his voice did funny things to her stomach.

"Why wouldn't you date a cop?" he asked, his voice low, almost sad.

Glass exploded into the room.

Rick shoved Ginny down and shielded her body with his. Heart drumming, he scanned the debris. Seeing a rock, he shot to his feet and glimpsed a youth—baggy pants, dark hoodie pulled low over his head—running through the neighbor's backyard. "Stay down," Rick shouted, sprinting outside. He chased the kid for half a block. Then the kid just disappeared.

Rick braced his hands on his knees until he caught his breath. The adrenaline shooting through his body took longer to tame.

Well done! I love the way you wrote the scene and showed his recovery. What made you decide to include the recovery here?

Since taking your classes, taking advantage of opportunities to show recoveries and make them do double duty has become almost automatic. As I read your preamble to the excerpt, I realized that more often than not I don’t consciously think through the process. But I have become more attuned to recognizing the opportunity. In this case, I wanted to show not only his at tempt to catch his breath, but the more difficult task of gaining control of his feelings for Ginny. I deliberately chose the word tame to allude to more than just adrenalin.

Sandra - You were smart to use "tame." It carries power, and you used it to backload too. Strong writing!

Thank you for being here today!

Please post a comment about deep editing, or just say 'Hi!" I'd love to know you're here. And you may win a copy of Deep Cover!  Thank you.

If you have a few spare minutes, check out the courses offered in October by Lawson Writer's Academy.  Enjoy!