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| In This Issue: | January, 2011 |
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Pre-Flight Check In: A New Year's Goodie for You!
2. Immersion Master Classes for 2011
Add Power and Take Off with a Deep Editing Analysis: Mileage Points Upgrade: Margie's Power-ON Coaching |
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| Pre-Flight Check In: A New Year's Goodie for You! | |
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Margie's NEW YEAR'S GOODIE for you is in the SMOOTH LANDINGS section. Scroll down for my DUH Plan, and use it! Happy New Year! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * |
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| Flight Review | |
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Quick Pics! Emerald City Conference: A full ballroom for Deep Editing Power Master Class. Look at those smiles!
Fall Immersion Master Classes in Colorado:
Woohoo U IMC'ers, Left-to-right: Jessie Wible, Joan Swan, Babs Mountjoy, Sherry Isaac, Lynn Jordan, Gloria Richard, Barbara Robinson, enjoying a late afternoon trip to the Pearl Street Mall in Boulder.
October IMC'ers, Jaye Wells, Bev Lindbo, Laurie Baltz, and Susannah Curtis, reading their deep edited chapters on a Saturday night at Dushanbe. Power on every page! If you'd like to learn more about these intense, three-day, dig deep and empower your writing sessions, visit my web site. If you have questions, please contact me. Thanks!
Connecticut RWA: Empowering Characters' Emotions Master Class
A question from Paula Sharon gave me a chance to enjoy her talent on the page.
These front-row writers look like they're having fun -- because they are. Me too. Presenting to writers is my kind of fun! |
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| Flight Planning | |
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Want to take a four day cruise, with two full days of Deep Editing Power Master Classes? The cruise departs from Miami on Thursday, March 24th, visits Key West and Cozumel, then has a day at sea before returning to Miami on Monday, March 28th. Participants will hone their deep editing skills, learn how to write fresh body language and dialogue cues, and add psychological power to their WIP. They will be closer to winning a contest, getting a contract, or claiming a spot on a bestseller list. Write At Sea Cruises are organized by Julia Hunter. Join us for this amazing Write At Sea Master Class cruise! Questions? Contact me.
Consider one of these hands-on, deep editing, three-day immersion sessions in my home at the top of a Colorado mountain. Immersion class participants stay at a lodge next to my home.
These writers met in the August IMC session, and decided to return for an advanced IMC session. They'll be back on January 27th to dig deeper into deep editing.
I'm adding a new venue to two of my IMC sessions this year: DALLAS! 2011 IMC Sessions: IMC-2 - January 27 - 31, in Margie's home -- For IMC-1 Graduates, FULL! IMC-2 - April 3rd - 6th, in Dallas! IMC-1 - April 7th -- 9th, in Dallas! IMC-1 - April 17th -- 21st, in Margie's home IMC-1 - May 5th - May 9th, in Margie's home, Two-thirds Full IMC-1 - After ROMCON, August 7th -- August 11th, in Margie's home IMC-1 - After COLORADO GOLD Conference, Sept. 11th - Sept. 15th, in Margie's home Read more IMC details here, or contact Margie for more information. Thank you!
Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors -- January Empowering Characters' Emotions -- March Deep Editing: The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More -- May Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist -- June Lecture Packets are available for all my courses through Paypal ($22 per course) from my web site. Please click here to read descriptions and order.
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| Add Power and Take Off with a Deep Editing Analysis! |
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Deep Ed MOONLIGHT MILE, Dennis Lehane
Dennis Lehane’s writing carries a cadence-driven lyrical power and fresh street-smart dialogue that make his gritty crime novels bestsellers—and make his book-based movies blockbusters.
If you’ve read the books listed below, the titles will probably elicit a visceral reaction.
GONE BABY GONE -- Novel, 1998; Movie, 2007 (Morgan Freeman, Ed Harris) MYSTIC RIVER – Novel, 2001; Movie, 2003 (Sean Penn, Kevin Bacon, Tim Robbins SHUTTER ISLAND – Novel, 2003; Movie, 2009 (Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Kingsley) MOONLIGHT MILE – a sequel to GONE BABY GONE -- Novel, 2010; Movie, in development Dennis Lehane has had nine crime novels and one literary novel (THE GIVEN DAY) published. He was a staff writer for three episodes of David Simon’s, The Wire, he’s adapting his short story Animal Rescue for Fox, he writes screen-plays, short stories, and novels, and teaches creative writing at Eckerd College. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from Eckerd College, Raymond Carver’s alma mater. Lehane pursued graduate work at Florida International University where he was awarded a Master of Arts in creative writing.
We’ll start with a dialogue example. But I’ll share a quote about dialogue from Lehane first. He grew up in Dorchester, an ethnic hodge-podgey neighborhood in Boston. Most of his books are set in Boston. “I think everyone has to come to the table with one gift. All the other skills, you’ve got to go out and learn. I always had an ear for dialogue because I came from a place where people spoke very originally. I have a pretty acutely attuned ear.”
All the examples are from MOONLIGHT MILE, released Nov. 2010. Example: The POV character is angry with Helene, the scuzzy mother of the teenage girl who is missing. Here’s how he characterized Helene earlier: “If it smelled of stupid, Helene just had to be somewhere nearby.” After the silence went on a bit too long, Helene said, “What’re you thinking?” “I’m thinking how I’ve never had the impulse to hit a woman in my life, but you get me in an Ike Turner frame of mind.” She flicked her cigarette into the parking lot. “Like I haven’t heard that before.” “Where. Is. She.” “We. Don’t. Know.” Helene bulged her eyes at me like a pissy twelve-year-old, which, in terms of emotional development, wasn’t far off the mark. Analysis: Cadence – Read it out loud. You’ll hear the cadence driving the reader through every sentence. No stalling. Allusion – Rhetorical Device – the reference to his Ike Turner frame of mind. Clichés – You may know I’m not a fan of clichés. 1. Like I haven’t heard that before. In this scene, that overused line carried power, strengthened characterization, and made me laugh. I approve using this cliché here. 2. . . . wasn’t far off the mark. It works. It’s tight. I like the cadence. And I can’t think of a better way to end that sentence. :-)) Period. Infused. Sentences. My way of describing when the author morphs what would have been a normal sentence into sequential single word sentences. Like. This. “Where. Is. She.” Lehane shared what I call a Dialogue Cue. He didn’t add a sentence describing how the words were delivered. He showed it structurally. The punctuation indicates that each word is clipped, and that the character speaking is big-time irritated. He also did something I haven’t seen on the page before, but I’ve heard it in real life. He had one character speak in that clipped style, and had another character respond the same way. “Where. Is. She.” “We. Don’t. Know.” The reader knows the second character is mocking the first. But Lehane doesn’t TELL us. He SHOWS us. Smart. And smart alecky too. :-) Facial Expression, Amplified: Helene bulged her eyes at me like a pissy twelve-year-old, which, in terms of emotional development, wasn’t far off the mark. Lehane could have stopped with: Helene bulged her eyes at me. Lehane could have stopped with: Helene bulged her eyes at me like a twelve-year-old. Lehane could have stopped with: Helene bulged her eyes at me like a pissy twelve-year-old. Ah! Adding the word, pissy, adds psychological power. It taps a universal emotion in readers. Most adults have dealt with a pissy twelve-year-old, a child, neice, nephew, neighbor. Adding ‘pissy’ elicits an internal nod. It ratchets up the tension and tightens the emotional hook. But Lehane didn’t stop with that strong sentence. He amplified the line and empowered the emotion. Here’s his sentence again: Helene bulged her eyes at me like a pissy twelve-year-old, which, in terms of emotional development, wasn’t far off the mark. Kudos to Dennis Lehane! Example: “The night Cheryl died, Sophie and I were with her until the last breath left her body. We finally leave the hospital, and it’s three in the morning, it’s damp and raw out, and guess who’s waiting in the parking lot.” “Brian.” She nodded. “He had this look on his face—I’ll never forget it—his mouth was turned down, his forehead furrowed so he looked contrite. But his eyes? Man.” “They were lit up, huh?” “Like he’d just won the f***ing Powerball. Two days after the funeral, he showed up here with two state policemen and he took Sophie away. Analysis: Incongruent Nonverbals: He looked (looked is in italics) contrite – his mouth turned down, his forehead furrowed. But the emotion in his eyes was not contrite. It was celebratory. Strong Dialogue: Sounded natural. Long and short sentences. It flows. It all works well. Power Words: died, last breath, body, raw, contrite, f***ing, Powerball, funeral, policeman Specificity – in facial expression Cadence: Read the passage out loud. Train your Cadence Ear. Example: She and Angie hugged then in that unforced way women can pull off that eludes even those men in the world who are at ease with the bro clench. Sometimes, I give Angie shit about it. I call it the Lifetime Hug or the Oprah, but there was no easy sentiment powering this one, just a recognition, I guess, or an affirmation. “She deserved you.” Angie said. Elaine wept silently into her shoulder and Angie held the back of her head and rocked her the way she so often does with our daughter. “She deserved you.” Analysis: Empowered Hug – juxtaposes emotional pain and humor Amplified Hug -- Lehane devoted 62 words to describe that hug. It deepened characterization. These two women had met maybe ten minutes earlier. Amplifying the hug showed Angie's personality. The way Lehane contrasted gender differences regarding comfort level and styles of hugs also hooked readers. Deep Emotion – Specificity, Comforting adult like child Intentional Echo – Dialogue repeated for impact. Powerful Cadence -- Read it out loud. The cadence carries power too. Example -- Reaction of teen age girl Her façade of apathetic cool collapsed and she looked about nine years old. Nine years old and abandoned by her parents at the mall. Body Language - Lehane TELLS it, he doesn't show her face. But it's written FRESH. That's why it works. The reader conjures an image of a teenage girl with her I-don't-care-apathetic look of teen-coolness collapsing into the look of a nine-year-old who is terrified. Power Words: façade, apathetic, collapsed, abandoned Rhetorical Device, Alliteration: cool collapsed Rhetorical Device, Amplification: Second sentence Rhetorical Device, Anadiplosis: . . . about nine years old. Nine years old and . . . Cadence – Strong; Read it out loud as is: Her façade of apathetic cool collapsed and she looked about nine years old. Nine years old and abandoned by her parents at the mall. Now read it out loud without the last three words: Her façade of apathetic cool collapsed and she looked about nine years old. Nine years old and abandoned by her parents. Hear the difference? Now you know why Lehane added those three words -- at the mall. Cadence. Cadence. Cadence. Example -- Here's another deceptively simple line that carries the power of cadence. The smile that blew across his face was the kind movie stars give on red carpets—that much wattage, that much charm. Fresh Writing and Dynamite Cadence. Lehane did not write: He shot her a charming smile. He gave her a movie-star smile. He gave her a high-wattage smile. Lehane didn't write that smile in basic ways, because they're tried and trite. We've all read those smiles. They don't carry interest or power or cadence. NOTE: If you've taken my 'Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist' course (or ordered the Lecture Packet) -- you know ten million ways to write fresh smiles and other facial expressions, and empower them. Remember to review those lectures. :-) I'll analyze one more example. Example: She frowned and I could feel both of us trapped inside ourselves, not sure what to do with today’s violence. There was a time we would have been experts at it. She would have tossed me an ice pack on her way to the gym, expected me to be raring to get back to work by the time she got back. Those days were long gone, though, and today’s return to easy bloodshed drove us into our protective shells. Her shell is made of quiet fury and wary disconnection. Mine is made of humor and sarcasm. Together we resemble a comedian failing an anger-management class. Analysis In my EDITS System, all but the first two words would be highlighted YELLOW. She frowned -- is a facial expression (Red Pen) It's a POWER INTERNALIZATION - 103 words that are highlighted YELLOW. But it's WORKING YELLOW, compared to YAMMERING YELLOW. :-) That paragraph carries power. Be sure your Internalizations carry power too. News-of-a-difference: Contrasting previous to current behavior. Raises the question, what happened that changed them? Power Words – trapped, violence, bloodshed, protective, fury, wary disconnection, anger-management Rhetorical Device, Parallelism: Her shell is made of quiet fury and wary disconnection. Mine is made of humor and sarcasm. Fresh Writing and Humor. Lehane boosts power with Humor Hits. Most times it's at the end. He leaves you laughing and wanting more. Backloaded -- Ending with power. Cadence -- Strong throughout. Shows dynamic of husband/wife relationship -- Strengthens characterization. Taps universal emotional sets. NOTE: If you haven't taken one of my deep editing courses, and you're interested, start with Empowering Characters' Emotions. I teach it on-line in March. If you don't want to wait, the Lecture Packets are available through Paypal on my web site. A CHALLENGE -- TO HONE YOUR ANALYTICAL SKILLS The next example comes with homework. It's for you to analyze. If you like, you can post your analysis on my blog. Example for you to analyze: So when her boss, a doughy dickhead with a 7 handicap and an American flag painted on the tail fin of his Gulfstream, came to Boston to thank me personally, I shook his hand firmly enough to make his man boobs shake. I found seven analysis points on my first pass. Digging deeper, I have nine, or more. How many analysis points do you have? If you like, post your analysis on my blog, I'll respond. THANK YOU! This was a LONG Deep Editing Analysis. Dennis Lehane is long on talent. ;-) I could have shared 30 more examples and analyses. I'll add some to ECE and the rest to Deep Editing. REQUEST: If you believe other writers would enjoy this Deep Editing Analysis, please share it with them – or cut and paste an example and analysis and post it on your writing loops. Please include my web site, www.MargieLawson.com. Thank you! I appreciate you. |
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| Dare Devil Dachshund Contest! | |
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The Dare Devil Dachshund Contest! Find the Dare Devil Dachshund on my web site and you could win my Triple Pass Deep Edit Critique for the first 15 pages of your WIP. Take a sec and read how to enter this monthly contest. You could be the next Dare Devil Dachshund Contest Winner! |
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| Mileage Points Upgrade: Margie's Power-ON Coaching! |
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Margie's Power-ON Coaching! Ha! I surprised you with something new. Two Coaching Choices: 1. Power-ON Coaching: Taking Charge of Your Writing Life Coaching by Phone or Skype 2. Power-ON Coaching: Deep Editing Tutorial with Margie E-mail Margie your chapter(s). She'll deep edit them, e-mail them back to you, and review her feedback with you by phone or Skype. Want more details? Contact Margie. Booking Opportunities: If you are looking for a speaker for a half-day, full day, two full days or more, or a workshop presenter and keynote speaker, please contact me. I present five full-day Master Classes, your-choice keynote speeches, and 40+ one and two-hour workshops. For more information, contact Margie. |
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| Smooth Landings | |
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My NEW YEAR'S GIFT to you: Margie's DUH Plan D -- Do IT first, or as close to first as possible, every day. IT is your doable writing task, one you can complete in the time available for that focus session. U -- Understand IT may be difficult, or inconvenient, and do IT anyway. H -- Hooray! You did IT! Reward yourself in some small way that's GOOD FOR YOU. A non-caloric reward. A reward that only takes a minute or two. If your reward is exercise, give yourself more than a couple of minutes. :-)) See? It is a DUH plan. DUH – You will succeed. Duh – if you exercised first every single morning . . . you’d always exercise. There would not be one day that you went to bed verbally berating yourself because you’d planned to exercise. It had been important to you to fit exercise in your day. And still . . . you never exercised. As basic and “duh” as my DUH Plan is, it works. If you set a goal of writing X number of pages (a doable number of pages) first thing in the morning and you commit to meeting that goal before you eat lunch, you will. Like the Nike slogan -- JUST DO IT. Upon analysis, the “DUH Plan” has several advantages over Nike’s slogan. 1) DUH tells you when to do it. DO IT FIRST. 2) DUH addresses the COGNITIVE and the BEHAVIORAL -----Cognitively, it’s understood that the task may be difficult or inconvenient. -----Behaviorally, there’s no choice but to do it, like it or not. 3) DUH reminds you to celebrate! To revel in your victory. To reward your success. Celebrate with the meaningful things in life: laugh often, hug more, take a walk, chat with a friend, listen to music, do the Snoopy dance. A lot of writers have day jobs or other daily life responsibilities – like child care and parent care. They can practice the DUH Plan by shifting to it as soon as they get home from work, or right after dinner, or after kids are in bed. Some writers get up at 4AM – to WRITE FIRST. If you can go to bed early – and you’re a morning person – that’s a fabulous idea. No distractions at 4AM. You can DEFEAT SELF-DEFEATING BEHAVIORS. You have brain-power. You are committed to change. Try my DUH Plan for four weeks. FOUR WEEKS. Create a smart habit. DUH your way to success--and you'll have a successful 2011. Cheering you on!.................Margie |
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Enough about the author? Ready to dig into analyzing Lehane’s writing?
Margie's Newsletter
The Buzz About Margie
I booked Margie to give her Empowering Characters' Emotions Workshop for Central Ohio Fiction Writers (RWA #48). Because her techniques apply to all genres, it was easy to attract writers from outside our chapter. I got such an overwhelming response, I had to book a bigger classroom. Margie still managed to connect with each student, making sure they understood how her psychologically-based techniques could improve their work. Attendees were so pleased, several joined our writing group afterwards.
Favorite Quote:
The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.
