Erica Hayes

WELCOME ERICA HAYES

Author of Redemption

Reviews:

 “Weaves rich sensual imagery and dark eroticism into a breathless thriller plot… Hayes characters have distinct and delightful voices, and she’s developed considerable skill at blending the gritty and the supernatural.”  —Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

 “Steamy urban fantasy...magical [and] fast-paced.”—Romantic Times BOOKreviews

Erica Hayes is the author of dark urban fantasy/romance: the Seven Signs series from Berkley Sensation and the Shadowfae Chronicles from St Martin's Press. Also romantic science fiction: Dragonfly from Momentum Books.

 You can find Erica at Ericahayes.net, on Facebook and Twitter.

Don't forget to leave a comment below to win a copy of Redemption or a Margie lecture packet! 

Erica Hayes won a prestigious writing contest in Australia. A contest that launched her into print. 

Margie Asks Erica:

Please share your road to publication. Other contests?  Rejections?

It seems strange to say I got published the 'old-fashioned' way! But 2008 is the olden days now. Amazon was loss-leading ebooks at $10 (!!) and self-publishing was only just getting off the ground.

I queried, I submitted, I waited… waited… Truth is, my first few manuscripts and queries weren't much good. I got a bunch of well-deserved rejections. But everyone has to start somewhere, and you can't improve without doing.

One of the best things I ever did to improve was take Margie's one-day Deep Editing course at the Australian RWA conference. And no, I'm not just saying that :)

Talk about having a 'light-bulb moment' (cliche alert!) -- it was raining light-bulbs in Melbourne that day!

That was the year I won a contest, and also the year I got my agent and sold my first book. I think writing's a bit like that, whether you're aiming for traditional publication or venturing into self-pub: it's not a linear progression. It has plateaus, where you work your butt off, but seem to be getting nowhere… and then one day, all your effort coalesces, and you leap to the next level.

So if you're not getting the sales you want, or can't seem to land that perfect agent or contract? Don't be discouraged. Keep at it. Learn as much as you can, and keep your eyes open for opportunities. One day, your work will pay off.

Thank you Erica!  I’m so glad I got to meet you at RW Australia!

Your writing is as fresh as your characters. And it’s fast-paced and funny and powerful.

BLOG GUESTS – Here’s a passage that introduces the demon prince.

Slick rosy lips, dark eyes flashing with unholy fire. Fluvium, Prince of Thirst. Creator and master of the Babylon vampire covens.

And she was totally, helplessly, irrevocably his slave.

Sick fever crawled her spine. Her voice trembled. “Damn it, Fluvium, you scared the shit out of me. Why can’t you just walk up and say ‘hi’ like a normal person?”

“Sweet Rose, I’m disappointed you’d say such a thing.” Fluvium shoved hands in pockets, his embroidered black coat flaring around his knees. Freakish face, ethereal, his bones impossibly sharp and fine. Tonight, his perfect chin was artfully unshaven, and a shiny golden ring pierced one earlobe. He wore a ruffled white shirt, black trousers and tall boots, a glistening violet scarf, and his deliciously dark hair—just a midnight purple shadow belying his inhuman nature—tousled at his collar beneath a raven-feathered, three-cornered hat.

Deep Edit Analysis:  

Power words: slick, flashing, unholy, fire, creator, master vampire, covens, helplessly, slave, sick, fever, crawled, spine, trembled, damn, scared, shit, normal, disappointed, freakish, ethereal, bones, impossibly, sharp, perfect, pierced, deliciously, midnight, inhuman, raven-feathered.

Strong cadence.

A paragraph later:

Rose’s cheeks burned. She’d thought herself so streetwise, a girl from the projects who’d seen it all. Fit, trained in self-defense, pepper spray in her purse. Besides, she’d dated—ahem, read slept with, she didn’t have time for real dating, not with stage rehearsals and shows until late, and looking after Bridie since Mommy sold one baggie too many and earned herself ten-to-twelve in the state pen—she’d dated guys who were a lot less classy. Just warm bodies, staving off loneliness. But this man had style, charm, a hint of sexy threat that tempted her breathless.

Deep Edit Analysis: Visceral response. Slipped in several hits of backstory in a compelling way.  Intentional Authorial Intrusion, ahem piece, shares info and Humor Hit.

Contrasted previous guys Rose dated to this guy, and shared what attracted her to the demon (stimulus) and how she reacted (response).

Margie Asks Erica:

Did you make many changes to the paragraphs above? If so, how did they evolve? 

Erica Responds:

Word choices, mostly. As you can see, I write with a lot of adjectives. My first drafts always have too many. How do I know it's too many? When they destroy the cadence, and overload the reader with information they don't need. It's a matter of picking the most important adjectives, and the ones that sound the best when you read aloud.

Cadence is important to me. Maybe it's because I'm a musician, and very conscious of rhythm. A writer I admire very much is Stephen King, and he's a master of cadence. So often I discard perfectly good words because they just don't sound right.

BLOG GUESTS: I could share hundreds of teaching examples from REDEMPTION. But I’ll limit myself to sharing five more. We’ll dig deep into the fifth example.

1. She staggered, and screamed. Her vision shorted out.

Deep Edit Analysis: Simple and powerful. Alliteration. Parallelism. Fresh visceral response.

2. But the sight of Rose’s beautiful face, now a mass of bruises and burns, eclipsed the   magical hatred like a rock blotting out the sun.

Deep Edit Analysis: Used bruised and burned face as a stimulus for an amplified power internalization based on a simile. Power words: beautiful, bruises, burns, eclipsed, magical hatred, rock, blotting out, sun. Fresh writing. Perfect cadence.

3. Yes, she loathed Fluvium to his hellcursed bones. But she feared hell more.

Deep Edit Analysis: Serious message conveyed with Humor Hit. Erica made it two sentences, for emphasis. Power words: hellcursed, bones, feared, hell. Perfect cadence.

4. He’d stab this prince of bullshit through his lying heart and watch him die.

Deep Edit Analysis: Simple and powerful. Power words: stab, prince, bullshit, lying, heart, die. Perfect cadence.  

5. Michael speared straight at him, wings streamlined back, shrieking electric blue hatred. Japheth met him head on. Sword blades clashed. Lightning struck and sizzled. His arm jarred with the force of the blow, and they hit the ground together. He whipped his wings taut, and rolled, just in time to avoid Michael’s stabbing sword point . . . but the archangel’s fist slammed into Japheth’s trailing wrist, and his hell-spelled blade shrieked and shattered.

Stellar writing!

Margie Talks Action Scenes!

Redemption is loaded with action scenes, each one as credible as it is incredible.

Stimulus-response patterns? Check.

Fresh writing? Check.

Rhetorical devices? Check.

So strategic, stylistic, and stellar, they place the reader in the action and make them flinch?  Check. Check. Check. Check!

And they make writers wish they’d written that action scene?  Check!

Margie Asks Erica –

Do you act out your action scenes?

What tips, recommendations, or quirky suggestions do you have for our blog guests?

Erica Responds:

I act out the scenes in my head, if not in real life! I try not to make the action too confusing, with too much choreography. This is not a movie, where you can have endless set-pieces.

It's the same with a love scene: you can outstay your welcome (cliché alert!) with readers if you go on too long. They'll say, okay, we get it!

Sword fight, blah blah. Move on! What happens now? And that means SKIMMING. No one wants skimming.

If in doubt? Cut it, and see what happens.

Mixing up the sentence lengths is important, too. It adds suspense. It keeps the reader interested. And with shorter sentences, you can emphasize your power words. It's as if the entire sentence becomes its own power word. Like this. Boom.

Because I write paranormals, I can get away with added wackiness. In the paragraph above, I have a character shrieking electric blue hatred.

That doesn't actually make sense, right? But in context, the reader understands.

It's an image of beauty and power. And it's surprising. Surprising is good. It sucks readers in.

So don't be afraid to play with words, create strange effects, aim for color and  freshness. Readers are clever. They'll get it!

Erica – I love your suggestions. I knew you were smart smart smart. :-)

Margie Asks Erica –

What are some of the things you learned from me that make your writing stronger?

Erica Responds:

Honestly, where do I begin? I love Margie's rhetorical devices! They're so simple, yet add so much power. I don't remember what half of the devices are called, but the more I write, the more I use them without thinking.

Perfect! Writers don’t need to remember the names of those 30 rhetorical devices. But they do need to use them!

Like I said, cadence is important to me. But I didn't really understand why until I studied Margie's course, and the examples she uses from high-impact NYT writers like Harlen Coben or Jodie Picoult.

Yes! Cadence-driven writing rules!  Darynda Jones, Elizabeth Essex, Renee Ryan, Pamela Palmer, Shirley Jump, Nalini Singh, Randy Ingermanson, and dozens more Margie-Grads would agree with you!

Backloading was a big one for me. It's such a simple, powerful technique, but so easily overlooked, unless you know what to look for.

The EDITS system is terrific. Whenever I have a problem scene – something that's not working, but I don't know why – I whip out the highlighters. The solution is often so simple. Among my writing buddies, 'to Margie' is a verb.  As in, 'I need to Margie this chapter!'

But most importantly? I learned that you don't have to rely on all these cool effects and devices happening to your writing by accident. You can make them happen. But you have to know what they are first. Which is where Margie comes in!

Margie -- Thanks so much for having me on the blog!

Erica – Deep Editing and the EDITS System to the rescue!

Good for you for working so hard to make your writing strong.

 Thanks for taking the time to respond to the questions. I appreciate you.

Remember to leave a comment for the chance 

to win

a book from Erica

or

an online course from Margie!

Kieran Kramer

Welcome Kieran Kramer!

USA Today's Bestselling Author of Regency Romance and author of

The Earl is Mine

Enviable Reviews:

“Quirky, fresh, and filled with brilliant dialog and whimsy, this sexy confection from the talented Kramer is pure sunshine.” —Library Journal Starred Review

“Wonderfully quirky characters, a devilishly clever plot, and writing that is both laugh-out-loud funny and sweetly romantic all add up to a completely captivating Regency historical from one of the romance genre’s most dazzling new authors.” —John Charles, Booklist Starred Review

Double Rita®-finalist and USA Today bestseller Kieran Kramer writes Regency

Leave a comment for Kieran below and you have a chance to win

a copy of The Earl is Mine

or a lecture packet from Margie Lawson! 

Enjoy this powerful opening from Kieran Kramer’s latest release, The Earl is Mine.

The figure who slid into the Earl of Westdale’s coat every morning wasn’t happy. His name was Gregory Sherwood, and he had everything a man could want. But like a prisoner who can’t bask in a beautiful day outside his barred window, Gregory couldn’t enjoy his family, his wealth, or his title.

He was the legitimate heir to the Marquess of Brady.

But he wasn’t his son.

And he was doomed to a lifetime of lies.

The set up for the story is compelling, and the way Kieran presented it on the page is compelling too. Let’s analyze what Kieran did with structure and style to make that opening strong.

Deep Editing Analysis:

Alliteration: bask, beautiful, barred

Anaphora:  his family, his wealth, or his title

Power words: wasn’t happy, prisoner, barred, couldn’t enjoy, wealth, title, legitimate, heir, Marquess, wasn’t son, doomed, lifetime of lies.

Compelling Cadence:  Every beat counts.

White Space:  Emphasizes content. Boosts pacing.

Starting a sentence with AND, draws the reader in. Makes it more intimate.

Margie Asks Kieran:

What can you share about this opening?  Is this where you originally started this story?  Has it gone through several rewrites? If so, what did you change and why?

Kieran’s response:

It’s great to be here, Margie! Thanks for asking!

No, this is not the original beginning. I rewrote it several times. I was missing something, and it was the deep internal conflict for Gregory.  I couldn’t get a handle on it. Then one day I had a revelation, and it changed the entire book. Gregory’s personal journey came together through symbolism.

I thought about the Brady Bunch TV show. You might know that my series pays very light homage to it, so light it’s almost negligible. For example, my Gregory’s the Earl of Westdale—that’s the name of the high school in the TV show. He’s also from the Sherwood family…Sherwood Schwartz created the TV show.  Little nudges and winks like that pepper the books in the series, but if you’ve never seen the show, you wouldn’t notice.

I do strive to get at least a “flavor” of the TV character into the book character. Marcia was the “It” girl on the TV show, and she could be in my Regency London tale—but debutante Marcia turns her back on that opportunity completely, and for a very good reason that drives her book, LOVING LADY MARCIA.

On the show, the iconic episode for Greg Brady is when he’s asked to become a pop star named Johnny Bravo. He’s excited about it, but when *he doesn’t fit the Johnny Bravo pop star coat,* the Hollywood record producers renege on the deal.

I thought about that coat and what it meant, and I realized my Gregory could feel unworthy, too. A sham. It changed my entire storyline! Suddenly, Gregory is not his father’s son. He doesn’t fit the “coat” in his life. Wow. That shocked me. But it made his character more interesting. He had an internal conflict now.

His character arc is about resolving that deep pain he feels about being unworthy to call himself the future Marquess of Brady. So in the very first line, I had him slip into a coat—and at the end of the book, after he does gain peace, he wears his father’s wedding coat to his own wedding to Pippa.

All this might seem a bit of interesting but useless trivia, but I mention it because symbols help fuel the creative process for a lot of writers. 

 Kieran shared a powerful structure in these two paragraphs on page 3 :

It was his duty to take a wife to secure the Brady line. But a part of him would never, ever belong to the House of Brady. That part that would remain undutiful. Would seek illicit pleasure. Would work desperately hard to forget his impossible position—that he belonged nowhere.

That part would take a mistress and leave his gentle, dutiful wife at home.

Kudos to Kieran! Those two passages drive the reader from the first word to the last. I’ll grab my deep editing scalpel and dissect her work.

Deep Editing Analysis of the Structure:

            Kieran embedded an anaphora in an anaphora.

            My sentence above, TELLS what Kieran did.

            Now I’ll SHOW what she did.

The first words of the first anaphora are highlighted in blue. The first words of the second anaphora are highlighted in yellow.

But a part of him would never, ever belong to the House of Brady. That part that would remain undutiful. Would seek illicit pleasure. Would work desperately hard to forget his impossible position—that he belonged nowhere.

That part would take a mistress and leave his gentle, dutiful wife at home.

No questions for Kieran on those two perfect paragraphs. Lots of power words. Great cadence. Strong structure and style. Stellar writing.

Teaching Point!  Kieran used anaphora three times in the first three pages. Some writers would wonder if that’s too much.

NYT Bestseller Lisa Gardner frequently uses anaphora multiple times in her opening chapters. I just read NYT Bestseller Harlan Coben’s latest release, Six Years, and he used anaphora seven times in his first chapter (seven pages).

If written well, anaphora can be used frequently. And it will add power.

Margie Asks Kieran:

What are some deep editing goodies you learned from me that make your writing stronger?

Kieran’s response:

By far the biggest thing I’ve learned from you, Margie, is the power of the EDITS system. It was so helpful to me to be able to color analyze my favorite authors’ work and then my own. It made me more aware of what I tended toward (dialogue and inner thoughts) and showed up what was also lacking. I think the biggest wake-up call for me was realizing I need conflict on every single page!

I also found that by studying your list of rhetorical devices, I tend toward using those associated with rhythm and cadence—and I’m not so great at simile and metaphor. I struggle with those. I’ll try them out, but if they sound at all forced, I take them out. I’d like to open myself up to those more and wish I knew how. A book I read once—GOOD GRIEF, by Lolly Winston—contained so many gorgeous similes and metaphors that were totally organic to the story, I felt as if I’d stumbled into a casino and pulled the slot machine and won a million bucks.

About rhythm and cadence, I grew up on a sea island near Charleston, SC, surrounded by the Gullah people of Johns Island. They brought the Gullah language (it’s a true language, not a dialect) all the way over from Africa in the days of slavery, and they still speak it. When they speak, they repeat words, they rock, their sentences swing, the listeners mirror that cadence in their own responses, and there’s an overall beautiful syncopation that literally sucks you in and makes you part of it, too.

I’ve noticed that in my own writing, I use a ton of rhetorical devices that reflect my exposure to the Gullah culture, which has a lot of Gospel in it, too. Let me repeat those words, baby! (Hand in air) I’m going to throw in multiple conjunctions, too, and you’re gonna come along for the ride!

And should I mention that I’m the queen of dashes—I love the interrupted thought!—and use those dashes frequently? It’s my way of celebrating the messiness of real talk. That’s how I grew up, y’all

So what that my books are set in Regency England? People who lived then, beneath their proper exteriors, had the same burning yearnings we have now. They heard the same primitive beat in their blood that we do—you know, the one that moves you to step outside your comfort zone into conflict.

But back to the rhetorical devices: I have a whole other side to me that adores the simple. The spare. I love a strong intellect, yet I worship at the altar of intuition, or reason that gives way to wisdom. In homage to that sense of deep understanding, sometimes I’ll drop those conjunctions. I’ll employ the clean, crisp, or understated. Occasionally, I’ll use a word all by itself in a paragraph so that it shimmers with the power of truth.

I know when my writing is going well and when it’s not. I feel it as I read it. I feel the emotion swell and fall and the words reflect that—or fall flat. I struggle often with body tags. I sit for days trying to think of original ones. I need to watch myself with the lofted brows, the tightening chests, and the narrowed eyes….

The final thing I’d like to mention is that I’m extremely well-read and i know the rules of grammar upside-down and backwards. When I use fragments, I know I’m doing so. When I write sloppy with my commas (or improperly use an adjective instead of an adverb as I just did with SLOPPY), I know I’m doing it. But I don’t care. It’s how I feel as I’m writing, and I do what I want!

Yeah! (fist bump)

Sometimes, the copy editor reins me in. But this is my voice, and I like it. Which is why I’m venturing into new territory eventually, into the world of mainstream fiction. The English teacher in me loves an elegant turn of phrase—Jane Austen, you my woman—but I have more to do. New books to write that pay homage to the places and people I personally love.

(I might as well state here that I also want to write contemporary Southern women’s fiction. I think my voice is well suited for that. And I was dying to use parentheses, which I never do in my books but always do in my emails for some reason).

Meanwhile, give me some Regency bucks in tight breeches and I’ll work some magic with them. They’re not so far off from the rich hunting boys that I’ve personally met from the high society world of Charleston, South Carolina. In fact, the Regency ties are very strong here, in the architecture, especially.

Now that I’ve rambled, which I love to do, I’ll send it back to you, Margie!

Margie Asks Kieran:

Could you share your road to publication? When did you start seriously writing?  Contest experience?  Rejections? How and when did you get your agent? Your contracts?

I wrote my first book when my two oldest kids were toddlers: Madeira, My Dear, a sweet Regency I targeted to Signet, to Hilary Ross. I had a dog in it with a POV—I really didn’t even know what POV was as a crafting tool! I knew nothing. But I was an avid reader, and writing seemed to come naturally as a result. Having never heard of Romance Writers of America, I figured that the rejection from Signet meant that I was a bad writer. So I put the manuscript in a drawer.

Over a whole decade went by before I re-opened the idea that maybe I should send something out. I realize now that I lost a lot of time, but the truth was, if I'd really wanted to make writing a career back then, I would have kept on submitting. I found myself more drawn to the rearing of my children and being a volunteer in the community. I wrote as stress relief and as a hobby. It wasn't until my children began growing up that I felt this sweet daydream I'd always cherished—of being a published writer—blossom into a very deep craving that I felt I simply had to pursue. I realized I'd made that transition when it got to be painful for me to enter a Barnes and Noble or a Borders.  That never used to happen.

At that point, I realized, I want this. Badly.

In that second phase of my development as a writer, I became a member of RWA, and boy, did that help! Now when I experienced rejections, I tried to look objectively at what I was doing wrong. I had a few manuscript partials that weren't very marketable, plain and simple, even though I knew in my gut that my voice was. So I decided to pay more attention to finding a high concept in my next manuscript. That, along with dedication to my own voice, paid off in the sale of WHEN HARRY MET MOLLY.

I had always wanted to be a St. Martin's Press author and work with Jennifer Enderlin. They're such a classy publishing house, and I love how they have no guidelines. I grew up reading books published by them. Among my favorites were the James Herriot novels. Remember him? He was the Yorkshire vet who began his writing career with All Creatures Great and Small. I find that my favorite writers write colorful characters, and I do, too.

I also love Janet Evanovich, Emily Giffin, Jennifer Crusie, and lots of other authors who have worked under the mentorship of Jennifer Enderlin. I had heard her speak at conferences, too. She has such a warm, energetic spirit, I was completely charmed by her. I determined that she was the editor I wanted to work with more than any editor on the planet.

It felt quite surreal to get The Call. I was in a car driving down a country road when it came. I told my agent I needed to hang up because I was so excited that I might drive off into a corn field!! When I got home, I told all my family, who were ecstatic. I think the greatest part was being able to show my kids that persistence and sheer belief in the dream pay off. And then I ran down the street—literally--telling all my neighbors. It was such a memorable day. 

Yet at the same time, I felt my life was still the same in a very basic way. My priorities hadn't changed—family and friends were what mattered most. I guess I mean to say, I was extremely grateful for this new phase in my life, but I was still the same old person. I think sometimes we think we'll change in fundamental ways when we hit new milestones, but that's not necessarily so, at least in my case. I made a commitment to myself that no matter what happened with my writing life, I would be okay. I think we need to remind ourselves that it's the trying that matters most. That shows courage and faith. We are at our very best when we try, so I would have been darned proud of myself whether or not I got published. And that's not a load of hooey I'm throwing at you, either. I was very intentional about that.  

And I don't think I would have attempted to speed things up. I easily could have tried to by writing more and submitting more. But each of us develops at our own pace. I really believe that there's a season for all things, and those years when I was with my children (one of whom is still in high school) were a special time. I was nurturing the dream slowly, the way you put a bottle of wine away in the cellar and let it slowly reach its full potential. I think that a lot of the time, we feel very rushed in our lives, and we're convinced our worth is measured simply by our outward achievements. But I firmly believe we're totally fabulous inherently, every single one of us. And our fabulousness has nothing to do with our achievements.  That gives me a certain peace. I have nothing to prove to anyone. That peace of mind, ironically, makes it easier for me to be creative in my stories. I take chances. Sometimes I fall flat on my face. But I’d rather go out fighting and failing than look back and realize that I let fear run my life.

Thanks again for having me here, Margie. Thank you, too, for all you do for writers. You make a difference in such a positive way, and I’m honored to know you and call you friend.

Big hugs, everyone!!!

Kieran XOXO

Kieran – Thank you, thank you!

I appreciate you!  

BLOG GUESTS -- This is your opportunity to ASK KIERAN questions about writing and/or her publishing experiences.

Learn from someone who knows writing, knows her genre, and knows St. Martin's!

Don't forget to leave a comment to win

a copy of The Earl is Mine

or a lecture packet from Margie Lawson!

Anyone who posts a comment on Thursday, April 11th, before 8:00PM Mountain Time,

will be included in the drawing.

Names of the winners will be posted on the blog Thursday night.

See you on the blog!

Darynda Jones

Welcome Darynda Jones

Author of

Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

and

Death, Doom, and Detention

Meet Mega-talented Darynda Jones!

Darynda’s writing hooks me on every page. Her humor-packed stories and empowered writing have boosted her onto bestseller lists and into reader’s hearts.

Look at these reviews:

“Jones perfectly balances humor and suspense.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“Wickedly witty…will delight aficionados of humorous paranormals.”—Booklist (starred review)

Want to win a copy of Death, Doom, and Detention

or an online class taught by Margie?

Leave a comment for Darynda below! 

NYTimes and USA Today Bestselling Author Darynda Jones has won numerous awards for her work, including a prestigious Golden Heart®, a Rebecca, two Hold Medallions, a RITA ®, and a Daphne du Maurier, and she has received stellar reviews from dozens of publications including starred reviews from Publisher’s Weekly, Booklist, and the Library Journal. As a born storyteller, Darynda grew up spinning tales of dashing damsels and heroes in distress for any unfortunate soul who happened by, annoying man and beast alike, and she is ever so grateful for the opportunity to carry on that tradition. She currently has two series with St. Martin’s Press: The Charley Davidson Series and the Darklight Trilogy. She lives in the Land of Enchantment, also known as New Mexico, with her husband of almost 30 years and two beautiful sons, the Mighty, Mighty Jones Boys. She can be found at DaryndaJones.com, Facebook, and Twitter.

After Darynda landed her first contract, an enviable three-book contract with St. Martin’s, she emailed me and thanked me for teaching her how to add power to her writing.

Yea! I’m thrilled for Darynda’s success!

Darynda learned well. Her writing is strong.  And her humor hits are as frequent as they are funny.

I featured Darynda on the Pubbed Margie Grad Blog last year. Please take a minute and read that blog now. You’ll be glad you clicked – and laughed – and learned.

I’ll share some examples from Darynda’s last two releases, then I’ll ask Darynda some question about her writing and her road to publication. Keep reading!

Want to learn how to make a SMILE carry power? 

Check out these Darynda-powered smiles from Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet:

SMILES

She smiled that lopsided smile of hers, and I suddenly wondered if she’d perhaps dropped one hit too many.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Humor hit! Compelling cadence.

She stopped and offered me a friendly, I-come-in-peace smile.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Hyphenated-run-on. Compelling cadence.

Her smile stretched as false as a bad face-lift. Suddenly every movement she made was calculated, every expression rehearsed.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Humor hit! Compelling cadence. Power words: false, bad face-lift, calculated, rehearsed.

When I finally got to Donovan, I did that fake smile thing so I could talk without moving my lips. No idea why. “You’re a bank robber?”  

Deep Editing Analysis:  Humor hit! Compelling cadence.

The smile that stole across her face was the stuff of legend. Or, well, Rice Krispie treats: soft, sweet, and on the verge of melting into a lump of sticky goo.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Humor hit! Multi-amplified smile. Compelling cadence.

Smiles from Death, Doom, and Detention, the second book in Darynda’s YA series

The smile that widened across her face like the New Mexico sky made me rethink my last statement.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Scene-themed, and shared subtext that gave the POV character good info. Compelling cadence.

He watched me chew a few seconds, then smiled up at her. The fact that it was more congenial than genuine wouldn’t matter to Tabitha. Either way, a smile would only encourage her.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Deepened character.  Compelling cadence.

“Are we having a pop quiz?” she asked, a disturbingly happy smile on her face.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Oxymoron and Humor Hit. Compelling cadence.

Jared smiled as he walked toward us, but it was different—he was different, harder. His gaze was cavalier. His walk was more arrogant than confident. His gait almost taunting.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Amplified five times. Deepened character. Shared emotional set. Compelling cadence. Power words: harder, cavalier, arrogant,  (not) confident, taunting.

A slow, purposeful smile spread across his face, one that I was getting used to. One that held no humor whatsoever, no warmth, nothing but scorn and indifference.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Multi-amplified. Showed news of a difference, what the smile did and didn’t convey. Compelling cadence. Power words: no humor, no warmth, scorn, indifference.

A crooked smile appeared, and my heart leapt in response. I remembered that smile. Though I was only six when my parents disappeared, I remembered that smile like I’d seen it yesterday. My father’s had the same tilt, the same sparkle that made me feel like love had manifested into a facial expression.

Deep Editing Analysis:  Used smile as a stimulus for a visceral response. Shared backstory. Deepened character. Compelling cadence. Power words: heart, disappeared, sparkle, love.

Margie Asks Darynda –

You know how to empower smiles! Did some of those smiles start out as basic smiles?  

What else can you share about writing any of those smiles?

Darynda’s Response:

I feel like every smile carries a message, and it’s important to get that message across to the reader. Some of them probably did start out pretty basic, but each one had a purpose even then.

My characters don’t smile for the sake of smiling. There is always a reason and it can be either positive or negative. Even if the character smiled at something someone said, that tells a lot about that character. It deepens the reader’s understanding of her.

What if the character smiled, or better yet smirked, at a racist joke? We just got a lot of info about her and it probably isn’t good. What if the character smiled at the sound of a child’s laughter wafting toward her? Again, we are getting a deeper understanding of the character and something like that would also deepen our feelings and attachment to said character. It would create that bond of empathy that is so absolutely essential if we want our readers rooting for her.

Blog Guests:  I’ll share three more examples: a dialogue cue, a visceral response, and a rhetorical device. No analysis for these examples. Feel free to post your analysis.

Dialogue Cue

“Thanks,” he said, the satisfaction in his voice worth the loss of my most cherished possession. Or, well, one of my top twenty-most cherished possessions.

Visceral Response:

I put a shaking hand on his chest, fear consuming me to such a degree, the edges of my vision darkened. “Jared, please.”

Rhetorical Device – Anaphora

“You don’t get it,” she said. “This is exactly what I’ve been talking about. Everything is weird ever since . . . you know.”

I did know. Ever since Jared Kovach came to town. Ever since he’d saved my life after a huge green delivery truck slammed into me. Ever since we’d found out he was the Angel of Death and he had been sent not to save my life but to take it. To tweak the timing. To take me sooner than nature—or a huge green delivery truck—had intended. And ever since I found out I’d been possessed by a demon when I was six years old.

Margie Asks Darynda –

Please share your road to publication. When you started seriously writing. Contest experience. Querying. Rejections. How you got your agent. Contracts!

Darynda’s Response:

Absolutely! While I’ve been conjuring tales since before I could actually write, I didn’t really know I wanted to be a writer-for-reals until I was in middle school. Possibly high school. But by that time, I knew three things about myself that made a writing career seem impossible: I was a horrid speller; I had the attention span of a gnat; I was nowhere near smart enough to pull off a novel, much less (gasp) two!

With the encouragement of my best friend who also loved to write, I started my first manuscript in high school. We’d sit in a corner booth at the local Tastee Freeze for hours at a time, each writing our respective stories. Mine was post-apocalyptic about a group of teens who bore a remarkable resemblance to the members of Van Halen and were trying to escape the tunnels of a huge government fallout facility decades after World War III had destroyed the surface of the earth. It was a science fiction version of the cult classic The Warriors and destined to be a bestseller.

But after graduation, the real world came crashing through. Marriage, kids, college, career. These things took over my life. Still, the desire to write needled it’s way back to the surface until, in 2002, I started writing seriously again with one goal in mind: A publishing contract. Unfortunately, I sucked. Thank goodness practice makes almost perfect. I wrote three-ish manuscripts, not trying terribly hard to get published, but in 2009 I finaled in the RWA Golden Heart.  With that final, I landed an amazing agent. After the win, we sold to St. Martin’s Press in a three-book deal.

Easy-peasy, right?

Well, maybe not. For me, that Golden Heart final changed everything. Admittedly, I’d been entering the Golden Heart for several years, and while I received some pretty good scores (and some not-so-good ones), every year I really thought I had a chance to final. Until 2009. I signed up to enter First Grave on the Right for one reason, and one reason only. I wanted to force myself to finish it. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it would not final. No way. No how. And then I was mad that I’d wasted the entry fee. That money could have been used for something worthwhile, like a workshop! But I grudgingly sent it in and forgot about it completely. No, really. I dismissed it from my mind entirely.

So March 25th rolls around and while I was at work my husband texted me. There was a message on the machine saying I’d finaled in a contest.

I texted him back, “What? I haven’t entered any contests.”

“IDK, something about a golden something or other.”

I froze. Actually, I had to freeze. I was in the middle of state testing with a client and I couldn’t make a peep, not a sound, nothing that would distract the student from the test. So, I texted, “Did it say the Golden Heart?”

“Yes.”

I freaked out. On the inside. And texted OMG to my husband over and over. Fortunately, my client was just finishing up the test. She closed the test booklet and I burst into tears, jumped up and hugged her. It was ridiculous. She got upset that I was crying.

Sadly, the manuscript needed tons of work, so after the final, I polished it for about two months before querying. Then I spent about a week doing research and writing my query. When I was satisfied, I queried about twenty agents over a three-day period. Within a week I had an offer of representation. I wrote the agents who’d asked for either a partial or a full, told them about the offer and gave them a few days to get back to me. Before the week was out, I had eight offers of representation from some of the most amazing agents in the business.

I know that sounds wonderful, but it was actually one of the most stressful weeks of my life. I never expected that kind of response and was very torn. I spoke to each of them, many more than once. I emailed them, asked questions, researched some more. After a week that I never want to repeat as long as I live, I accepted an offer of representation from the amazing Alexandra Machinist. And let me just say, having her in my corner is like having my own nuclear powerhouse. I am beyond grateful. 

The GH win garnered a lot of interest, so Alexandra began shopping First Grave that August. About a week later, I was in the middle of district meetings and noticed Alexandra had called. We played phone tag for a bit, and when we finally connected, she asked if I was sitting down. Jennifer Enderlin from St. Martin’s Press had made an offer for a three-book deal. Yes, THE Jennifer Enderlin. The offer was so much more than either of us had expected the waterworks started all over again.

We had a couple houses offer over the next 24 hours and then right before Alexandra sent it to the floor for auction, Jennifer swept in with a pre-empt we simply couldn’t refuse.

Whew! So First Grave on the Right is the one that started it all. It has since won an RWA RITA, a Holt Medallion, and a Daphne du Maurier, among others.

But again, I really and truly believe that had I not taken that first Margie class online, I would not be where I am today. I learned so much about visceral responses and how to write fresh, I cannot thank her enough.

So THANK YOU, MARGIE!!! You are the bomb, lady.

Darynda – Thank you, thank you!

Don't forget:

Win a copy of Death, Doom, and Detention

or

an online class taught by Margie Lawson

Just leave a comment below!

Nikki Duncan

Welcome Nikki Duncan!

Author of

A Killing Touch

Heart stopping puppy chases, childhood melodrama and the aborted hangings of innocent toys are all in a day’s work for Nikki Duncan. This athletic equestrian turned reluctant homemaker turned daring author, is drawn to the siren song of a fresh storyline.

Nikki plots murder and mayhem over breakfast, scandalous exposes at lunch and the sensual turn of phrase after dinner. Nevertheless, it is the pleasurable excitement and anticipation of unraveling her character’s motivation that drives her to write long past the witching hour.

The only anxiety and apprehension haunting this author comes from pondering the mysterious outcome of her latest twist.

Check out the rafflecopter at the end of the blog

for a chance to win a copy of A Killing Touch or a lecture packet.

Nikki Duncan’s recent release, A Killing Touch, is the fourth in her Sensory Ops Series. Perfect name for a series by Nikki, who writes senses in fresh ways. It’s not surprising she is a Golden Pen Finalist.

It was my joy to get to know Nikki and work with her in Immersion class in 2010. Her personality is as vibrant as her written words.

Check out this empowered stare.

Aidan’s stare locked on her. Without looking, Lana felt its intensity as if it bored into her like a concrete drill bit—deep and persistent. Dividing her focus between Aidan’s conversation, the feel of his gaze on her, and the news story angled to make the FBI look bad wasn’t easy. Hell, it was downright impossible with the news story blown away beneath Aidan’s power.

Deep Edit Analysis:

Power Words:  locked, intensity, bored, deep, persistent, focus, FBI, bad, hell, impossible, blown away, power

Questions for Nikki: 

Why did you amplify Aidan's stare, and did you amplify it on the first pass?

Nikki Responds:

It's funny, I've suggested your workshop packets and immersion weekend to so many writers, telling them their writing would change drastically. As we get into conversations about some of the stuff the packets and immersion weekend includes, I joke with them that their brains will be mush when they're finished and I warn them that it will all seem like too much. However, if they do the exercises enough they become more natural. For example, it's no longer necessary for me to pull my highlighters out for every project. I keep them handy though.

As for the empowering of the above stare, I can't say I really knew I was doing it while I wrote it. I just sort of took my normal thoughts a little deeper than I once would have. Guess it's something that stuck with me from the Empowering Character Emotions part of Immersion.

BLOG GUESTS—Notice the perfect cadence in every example shared in this blog.

Most writers have a tough time writing fresh glances and dialogue cues. But Nikki makes it look like she didn’t have to stretch one brain cell to make these examples of body language from A Killing Touch strong.  

I’ll share examples and my deep edit analyses first. My question for Nikki is below the examples.

Eye Messages:

“There’s a Denny’s across the street.” Naomi stared at him, silently ordering him to get off the couch and go on her errand with the director.

Deep Edit Analysis:  Amplified interpretation of a stare. Perfect!

“Did I miss you being assigned as my keeper?” Her gaze darted between him and her father, asking Aidan to keep her secrets. Her biting tone contrasted the softness of her gaze though the underlying bite wasn’t as strong as he’d grown to expect.

Deep Edit Analysis:  Incongruent body language. The gaze and dialogue cue are both amplified. They send conflicting messages, but the reader knows which one the POV character believes.

Swallowing the cowardice that had her wanting to avoid his gaze, she raised her head. She would not cave. “Has your team found any new information?”

Deep Edit Analysis:  Look how many times Nikki deepens character by sharing this character’s inner strength. Swallowing cowardice. Wanting to avoid gaze. Raised head. Would not cave. Four times. That’s one way to add power. 

Dialogue Cues:

“What are you doing here?” She put sneering emphasis on you. She’d spoken the same way in the pub. Her sniping tone gave her feelings away even when she blocked them from reaching her face.

Deep Edit Analysis:  Three dialogue cues amplify the tone. And the last sentence shares that her voice divulged her true feelings even though her face was guarded. Strong dynamics. Strong writing.

And now the desperation skittering around in his heart leaked into his tone. It made him feel like a child making excuses to his mom.

Deep Edit Analysis:  Love the way Nikki ratified an emotion by sharing a visceral response and having that emotion leak into his voice. And she amplified it with a universally-themed simile guaranteed to resonate with readers. Well done!

“Sounded like Lionetti. Hardened Jersey accent.” Nigel’s British accent flavored his words with a depth of class he gave no thought to. Combined with his all-work-no-play seriousness, the tone made him come across as a snob.

Deep Edit Analysis:  Nikki shared accents from two characters, and labeled one a snob. Love every word!

Nikki—Stellar writing! Please select one example from above, and share how it went from first pass to final pass.

Thank you, Margie! I'll pick the sample with her facing her cowardice. I love when these two are on the page together.

This sample is the kind that I wouldn't have had a clue how to do before Margie's classes. In a first draft, and possibly in the last draft, of earlier writings, this would probably have gone more like, "Wishing she could avoid his gaze she struggled to raise her head."

It's sort of funny because I've been teaching some writing classes for a local university's continuing ed department. Not so long ago, one of the students asked if craft/mechanics could be learned. I told him that absolutely they can...after the first draft is written.

Power doesn't always flow into my first drafts, but it's getting easier each time. Thinking back, I'm not sure if I worked at empowering the passage or if it was just one of those things that happened because I spent so much time practicing.

BLOG GUESTS:  I bet you’ll love this loaded-with-power passage from A Killing Touch. Enjoy!

NIKKI—Could you add the set up for this passage? Thank you!

I had so much fun with this scene! Lana and Aidan are as resistant to each other as they are attracted. Neither of them can stand the idea of being with the other, but neither can they stand the idea of not being together.

In this scene, they'd just made love and she thought he was finally beginning to accept her, and better respect her. But then he stuck that big male shoe of his in his stubborn FBI man mouth.

The last question was one of those with a whiptail lash that stung as the last syllable crossed his lips. It had been unplanned, and unlike every observation of respect, it earned a reaction.

Lana rolled away with tension stiffening her shoulders and arms as she grabbed a nearby robe.

“Lana.” Shit.

She belted the robe and turned. Slowly. On the ball of her foot. A warning drilled into the back of his brain. Buzzed.

“I didn’t mean that.” Shit. Shit.

Passion had fled from her gaze, leaving only the dull sheen of an unreadable mask. If she’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop during her silence, she clearly considered that last question the shoe.

More buzzing.

“It just slipped.” Shit. Shit. Shit. The curse was a constant scream in his head.

And now the desperation skittering around in his heart leaked into his tone. It made him feel like a child making excuses to his mom. When Lana fought back, when she allowed his words to rile her, he could almost read her mind. He knew what she was going to say so well he could deflect or incite the coming argument. Now… Now he saw nothing but smooth face muscles and emotionless eyes.

Louder buzzing.

Feeling remarkably exposed and vulnerable, Aidan slipped from the bed, pulling the sheet free to cover himself. “I wish you would say something.”

She stepped forward, notching her chin a bit higher as she did. “Go. Answer. Your. Phone.”

Shit. The screaming was silenced by the defeat of rejection. He’d lost his chance.

Without another word, or an acknowledgment to anything he’d said, Lana pivoted on her toes and glided into the bathroom. The gentle click of the latch boomed like a gun in Aidan’s ear. The buzzing of his phone pierced his conscience as the peace he’d found with Lana in the last several hours vanished.

Nikki—Writing that is so smooth and empowered is the work of a writer who is committed to excellence. Kudos to you.

What would you like to share with our blog guests about writing that passage, and/or the big picture of writing craft?

Other than the advice to write the first draft before worrying about the mechanics... Don't give up. Writing empowered characters who don't act or speak or think in clichés did NOT come naturally to me. When I first figured out what I was doing wrong, it was a challenge to pick out where to empower and deepen to get the right mix. Now, though it's still a challenge, it's getting easier.

Last question!

What are some deep editing tools you learned from me that make your writing stronger?

I learned so many deep editing tools, and they all changed my writing drastically. The biggest thing I had to get a handle on was not using too many of them in the same scenes. Some of my favorite ones though are the backloading, empowering character emotions (getting deeper into how they feel and why), fresh body language, power words, cadence and the repetition of twos and threes (I forget the name of that one. Anaphora?) I guess the emotions and body language aren't technically tools, but they show up in everything I do. Man, I don't think there is any one tool. It all sort of sticks with you after a while.

Thank you Nikki for being on the blog today and sharing your great insights!

Blog guests: Thanks for joining us today. Don’t forget to check out the rafflecopter below for a chance to win a copy of A Killing Touch or a lecture packet.

April Classes at Lawson’s Writing Academy:

April, 2013: Put your Characters in the Driver's Seat

April, 2013: Getting Serious About Writing a Series

April 2013: Story Structure Safari